Before you end up in BroBible’s “You Suck At Sex, Bro” section, take a few hints from the below real-life situations. I know the Fifty Shades of Grey couple made the kinky stuff popular and now your girlfriend is totally hot for getting tied up and spanked.. but at some point enough is a enough. Christian and Ana are a fictional duo. There’s no way that little anorexic nympho could handle a beating in the real world. So please, before you end up accidently killing your girl, think this whole S&M thing through.
Scenario 1: She asks you to spank her
This doesn’t seem too harmful but one of the stories I was told involved such severe spanking that she couldn’t sit down the next day. Sex should not be like paddling pledges. Let’s not haze the poor girl.
Scenario 2: She asks you to choke her
Some women believe that they reach orgasm faster when their air supply is cut off. Holding her breath would probably work just as well but she will probably ask you to put your hand over her throat. Try to be cognizant of how much pressure you’re applying. My college roommate nearly got choked out by her ex-boyfriend. He thought her screams, thrashing and digging her nails into his back meant she was cumming…
Scenario 3: She asks you to play with toys
This is probably the most common thing your girlfriend would ask for and for the record, bringing a vibrator into the mix doesn’t make you any less of a man. In fact it can make things awesome for both of you. The only warning is to be aware of the setting you have it on. Gentle vibrations good, burning her clit off with what feels like an electric saw? Not good.
Scenario 4: She asks you to cum on her
She’s probably not the type of girl that you want to take home to mom but she’s a porn addict’s dream girl. Try to perfect your aim to avoid the eye area at all costs. I was recently snapchatted a picture of a friend with a severely swollen and red eye. Assuming it was pink eye, I texted her asking that she keep her conjunctivitis to herself. Turns out it wasn’t pink eye, her boyfriend missed. Ouch.
Scenario 5: She asks you to bite her
I really don’t understand how this one gets so out of hand. I’m all about my bottom lip getting bit a little and when I’m really into it I sometimes bite shoulders. However, biting becomes a serious issue when you have mouth shaped bruises all over your body. One of my work associates showed me her stomach and I’ll never be the same. The woman looked like a cheetah.
I mean, honestly? It upsets me to write some of that. Maybe there are a few things in there your girl would be interested in exploring but gently please; she’s a lady.
[Bent over babe image via ShutterStock]