Life
by Victoria McKenzie on February 11, 2013

brunch

I spent all four years of high school as a virgin baby angel regardless of the obvious disgruntled comments made by my high school sweetheart.  Part of the reason behind my choice to keep my chastity belt on was because I wasn’t ready yet. However, I must admit that a large part of it was because I was fearful of becoming the topic of conversation in the boy’s locker room. Nonetheless, my name still came up one day after football practice and my sexual experience (or lack thereof) was discussed. You guys talk and have no shame in disclosing intimate details.

It’s no secret that women talk too.. a LOT. If you and your bros are comparing notes on your latest hookups then it should come as no surprise that girls do the same thing. Close girlfriends are the female equivalent of your bros. My best friends are like sisters to me; they serve as my wing women, therapists and sometimes punching bags. I can trust them with anything and so I tell them just about everything. The big question is, do we keep anything private or do we divulge everything to our girlfriends? Consider this article as your inside look to girl’ night confessions and me as your undercover spy.

The general rule of thumb is that girlfriends stay quiet while hookup buddies kiss and tell. I know very little about the sex lives of my friends that have been dating the same guy for a year or longer except that they are satisfied and happy. My single girlfriends vary. Some are more private and some have told me about every orgasm, position and word uttered behind closed doors. What women tell or don’t tell their friends is reliant upon how into you they are. Here are the top five subjects that we cover.

How “Big” You Are
Guys who are not so well-endowed and treat girls like disposable sex objects will be greatly scrutinized while the good guys who are the same size will not be. If the girl is really into you she will highlight all the great things you do and not mention how you measure up. It really isn’t size that matters. Guys who carry a big stick are usually mentioned either way. Most of the time it is a positive mention and the girl is gloating but sometimes it isn’t such a good thing. My best friend who is very petite broke up with her boyfriend out of the blue. No one could understand why because he seemed perfect. She later revealed to me that he was so big that sex was a major issue for them. “It didn’t fit.” Ok, so I guess in certain cases size does matter, from a logistical point.

Your Technique and Expertise
Women can be unmerciful when it comes to this topic. We will talk about how satisfied or unsatisfied we are with unbelievable detail, but we also give praise where praise is due. Most of us are kind enough not to name drop but occasionally I find out a bit more than I need to know about the new guy my friend is seeing.  Unlike most men, women talk to each other about their problems. If a guy is doing something a little off we commiserate, laugh and advise on how our friend can mention it in a non-threatening way and lead him in the right direction. Before you start feeling like your every move is under inspection, consider this. We bounce ideas and sex tips off each other which end up enhancing our own technique and expertise. Our talks might not be such a bad thing. That new move your girl did with her hips on Friday night may unknowingly be compliments of her bestie, you should thank her.

What You’re Into
Are you into dirty talk or like getting a little rough? Maybe you like tying her to you bed post or like it when she blindfolds you with your tie. The chances that she tells her friends are slim. If she feels comfortable enough with you to let you tie her up, she probably feels secure enough to not need approval from her friends on what you two do together. Some girls will bring it up to see what the reactions of their friends are and see if it’s considered “normal.”  As far as dirty talk goes, she may mention the steamy exchange but she most likely won’t repeat what was said verbatim. Even if she loves it in the bedroom and says the hottest, dirtiest things to you in private, she is probably uncomfortable sharing those details with her girlfriends. On the other hand, some girls are not so shy, like to brag and may have a future career in writing romance novels. “And then he picked me up, carried me into his room, tied my hands behind my back and threw me down on the bed..” I’ve heard it all.

The Funny Moments
The time you farted while thrusting or accidently came in her eye will be shared, hands down. After a few cocktails, ladies can become a bit like frat boys and share funny stories from their sex lives. Once the conversation starts snowballing everyone contributes a LOL moment. It’s nothing to be ashamed of or feel uncomfortable about. We own up to our own laughable moments as well.

Comparison Reports
“How often do you guys have sex?” This always comes up. The girl in the relationship will keep quiet for the most part while her friends get into the dirty details but she always perks up when the conversation turns to how regularly you two get it on. Do you have sex as often as the average couple? More than average?  You don’t really know without comparing. On that same note, another question arises. “How many guys have you been with?” Some girls are honest and some lie, but you can’t quiet you inner sexual insecurities or fulfill your personal expectations of normalcy without asking these questions.

The main thing to take away from all of this is that a girl will never speak poorly of your abilities if she is into you or if you treat her with respect. Unless that girl is a cold hearted bitch in which case she will die alone a bitter, old cat lady. Karma is a bigger bitch than she is. Don’t feel insecure that we are going about sharing your secrets with the girls because chances are we don’t share nearly as much as you do with the bros.

Xo, McKenzie

Women having brunch via Shutterstock

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