It’s Thursday or Friday or Saturday or any other night. You’re single, horny and looking for some strange. The days have been absolutely brutal lately and all you want to do is unleash your pent up stress. You’ve tried relaxing — drinking, smoking, gaming — but nothing seems to work. What you need is a girl to help you take the edge off.
You feel confident about your game and how you look, but something seems off and you can’t seem to trace it. Mentally you’re not completely together. You’re bound to make an error — a fatal mistake that will cost you everything, and the stress that was already there has now doubled.
Instead of taking your time to gather your thoughts and take inventory of everything you will need, you desperately rush out of your place to the closest bar or party where you hope to find somebody who will bring you immediate satisfaction and, of course, release.
And like that, before the night has even started, you’ve already committed an egregious crime against the golden rule of manhood — you have put pussy on a pedestal.
Of course every man wants to score when he goes out at night, but there’s a huge difference between wanting something and showing that you want it. As the saying goes, desperation is an ugly cologne…or something like that.
Anyways, if you’ve successfully mastered the golden rule by submerging your nervousness in a cloak of whiskey, you still have a long ways to go from bringing anyone home with you. Even if your mind is clear and focused before going out, there’s a lot that still needs to be done and needs to be avoided when you make that first contact.
Here’s the playbook for what not do:
1. Fail to remember her name
Forget pussy if you’ve forgotten her name within seconds or minutes of meeting her. Your odds of bringing her home of decreased more than 75% if this has happened, so my suggestion is to move on. Why? Because you can’t simply ask her what her name is after she just told you, leaving you with two options — you can avoid calling her by any name (a tightrope walk for the common man) or you can attempt to be funny and make up your own name for her (also dangerous for the common man).
The only situation I can possibly think of where this doesn’t kill your chances is if the girl is too drunk to remember where she is and, quite possibly, her own name. In this case, I recommend avoiding her anyways. You want to get some ass, not get sued for rape.
If you are bad with name recollection, I suggest talking up someone you already know or someone who looks familiar. That way you avoid the awkward introduction and pointless name exchange.
2. Yawn in her face
I didn’t realize how rude yawning was until my sophomore year of college, which says a lot more about my ignorance towards normal social etiquette than anything else. Nonetheless, my personal experience, of being straight rejected after yawning in a girl’s face that I was talking to, has left a scaring influence on me to the extent I must remind all males that I come across to always stay alert and attentive when on the prowl. You never know when a pick up attempt will come to a complete halt, but I can personally guarantee you that a yawn will shatter any momentum you might have going and leave you right back into square one. To put in a chick’s perspective, yawning is the equivalent of us saying exactly what’s on our minds, “all this talking is boring, let’s have sex.”
3. Ignore her friends
This is really circumstantial more than anything so take this advice in stride if you’re one on one with a girl. However, if you’re in a group setting and you’ve targeted your prey, then you have to prove to the rest of her friends you’re good enough to bring their friend home even for just this evening. Points are usually scored using teammates, so this is no different — you must use her friends to assist you into slamming it down. Just like you need your wingman to score, she needs hers to do the same.
To ignore her friends is to end up with your dick in your hand at the end of the night thinking about Mila Kunis. You don’t want this and neither do I, but believe me, I have been there enough to know to treat her friends as equal to her even if you despise them.
4. Agree with everything she says
A common perception that needs debunking is that girls love guys who agree with them. Nothing could be more false. Allow me to repeat that: you will not score if you play nice. Girls love to get in an argument, especially with a stranger who they think is cute. It increases the sexual tension and gives them motivation to prove something, which is usually what the man is trying to do. In essence, you’re putting the ball in their court and simplifying your job. Sounds like the right policy to enact.
If you’re a “yes” man, or have been told agreeing with her will get you pussy, then you need to go back to the drawing board.
Now, I’m not saying act like an asshole. Rather, my point is the agreeable type is the type that is often not genuine and the one that is more than likely saying shit that he doesn’t actually believe, and girls will sense this pretty quickly.
It’s corny, but don’t afraid to be you. The odds play out to your advantage when you’re not pretending.
5. Talk about other girls
This should probably be No. 1a on this list because bringing up ex-girlfriends or even friends that are girls could be the complete wrong move depending on who you’re talking to and considering there’s way too much room for error here, I suggest you just stay away. There are plenty of other subjects to be discussed other than females you know, or may have known in a sexual way.
On the other hand, if you are lucky enough to find a girl who is cool with you referencing other chicks, then make sure you let her know you have plenty of female friends, but not in a bragging way. Instead, you want to show her you can handle relationships with females and past flings have not led to any burn marks.
In short, you’re the right type of guy to bring home because there won’t be any drama in the morning.
6. Buy your friends drinks and not her
This one seems to be another no-brainer; however, you’d be surprised at how many guys out there think it’s the “cool play” to not buy her a drink and then buy a round for your buddies. No, you don’t come across as generous or a good friend. Instead, you come across as someone who is willing to spend $20 on his buddies but not $3.50 on a chick he’s hitting on.
There is nothing cool about not getting her a drink. It’s the oldest play in the playbook for a reason — it works. History has proven its veracity time and time again.
7. Talk about books
I would be lying if I said I’ve never tried to use literature as a talking point at a bar, but I would truthfully admit that it didn’t work. In fact, it was such an error, I not only chased away the girl I was pursuing but my friends left me in the booth as well. The lesson: nobody cares about the moral and literary themes of Huck Finn in a noisy, crowded party.
If you like to read, there’s nothing wrong with you I promise — in fact, I encourage everyone to read more. However, reciting lines from Shakespeare won’t get you pussy. Ever.
8. Ask for her number
This is the subconscious way of a male admitting defeat even though victory is only a few yards away. Never ask for her number if you want to bring her home that night. Yes, feel free and go ahead to pick up the digits if you have a long-term scheme ahead, but if you’re in town only for a few days, then what will a few numbers scribbled on a bar napkin do to alleviate your problems? Nada.
Avoid the numbers game at all costs; it only leads to confusion and false hope. A better play is to walk her home, see where she lives. Not only does this increase the odds of something happening that night, it sends her a message that you never accepted defeat throughout the night and were always confident that it could happen.
9. Leave without her
The most obvious bullet point on the list is the one I see executed the least. Whenever I’m out I feel like I always hear something from somebody I’m with about “the girl over there” only for her to remain that way until the end of the night. Instead of making a move and taking initiative, some men are too cowardly or too lazy to make a move.
However, if you don’t suffer from that apprehension and can break ice with just about any chick, then use that to your advantage. Go talk with her, make a connection and leave with her. It’s not that hard of a process. Unless she has a boyfriend, she’s out doing the exact same thing you’re doing. Don’t make it overly complicated, when you leave the party or the bar; make sure she’s on your arm.
10. Forget protection
This is another extremely simple tip, but often ignored or forgotten about. Most importantly, it’s something that often gets overlooked in the mayhem that happens before you go out. That is why taking your time before the night starts is essential. If you end up getting lucky and going back to her place, it could all be for naught if you don’t have a rubber. A simple error such as forgetting a condom could make your week, night and weekend all that much worse. Trust me, there’s no worse feeling then getting your ball onto the green only to realize you left you’re putter at home.
[Rejection image via ShutterStock]