Did you know some things that have absolutely nothing to do with others are mysteriously bound together in insane ways? What I’m talking about is the scientific principle that correlation does not imply causation; just because two things are associated with each other, doesn’t mean that one causes the other. So what are some of these insane things that really, truly, actually correlate with one another over a given time period? Let’s take a look.
Nicholas Cage and Drownings
From 1999 to 2009 the number of people who drowned by falling into a swimming pool correlates very closely with the amount of films Nic Cage appeared in each year. This is especially weird because his films are usually so bad they’re actually good, prompting his audience to evaluate life rather than contemplate death.
Cheese Consumption and Death by Bedsheet
Did you know? From 2000 to 2009 our country’s consumption of cheese was inexplicably tied with the number of people who died by becoming entangled in their bedsheets? Good lord, that’s tragically hilarious.
Chicken and Road Trips
From 2000 to 2009 the United States’ crude oil imports fluctuated closely with our level of chicken consumption. Clearly this was a way to keep levels of delicious road chicken high while road trippin’ across the US of A.
Mississippi Divorce and Body Slams
From 1999 to 2010 the divorce rate in Mississippi was eerily close to murder by bodily force. I’m just imagining this as something like a nice, solid body check or a particularly sinister chest bumping.
Spelling Bees and Venomous Spiders
From 1999 to 2009 the amount of letters of the winning word in the Scripps National Spelling Bee stayed scarily on track with the amount of people killed by venomous spiders. The world of spelling bees has gotten considerably darker over the years, no?
Juvenile Drug Arrests and Kids Getting Murdered By Their Parents
These two things stayed pretty close with one another from 1999 to 2009. See, this kind of thing seems like it would actually make perfect sense; kid gets arrested on drug charges, parents kill the shit out of them in a rage.
Animal/Human Accidents and Apple Stock Price
Did you know that between 2005 and 2009 the number of riders killed by being thrown from an animal or animal-drawn vehicle in a non-collision accident DID NOT AT ALL correlate with Apple’s stock price as of January 1? Except on 2007, the year the iPhone debuted. Conspiracy!!!
Global Warming, Earthquakes, Hurricanes, Other Natural Disasters and Pirates
Bobby “Flying Spaghetti Monster” Henderson charted something pretty amazing: the global average temperature and natural disasters’ correlation with the number of known pirates in the world. He did this to parody some religious groups’ belief that higher numbers of disasters, war and famine around the world was due to lack of worship and prayer toward their chosen god. And more specifically, it was part of a letter to the Kansas State Board of Education in an effort to show that correlation does not, in fact, imply causation after learning that there would be a hearing against teaching intelligent design in bio classes. Amazing.
Nicolas Cage image by Everett Collection/Shutterstock
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