I love yoga pants. Let me say that again. I love yoga pants. There is not a women in this world that does not look good in yoga pants (except fat chicks, and they don’t count). Yoga pants are a reason for every bro to get up each morning, assuming you don’t live in a small town filled with ugly people. Or Canada.
With the warm weather out in full effect there’s even more of a reason to go out with the bros with the intention of scooping up some quality talent. Unfortunately there’s a downside to every situation and this is no different. Just because it’s warm out, doesn’t mean that you are entitled to wear whatever is most comfortable.
There may not be such a thing as having boobs that are too big, but there is such a thing as wearing a sports bra that makes it look like you have clown boobs. If for some reason you can’t breathe when you snap it at the back, then your top is too fucking small. Stomach rolls on the front are disgusting enough. God forbid you date a girl that has rolls on her back too.
I’m all for dressing up and roleplaying. The hot teacher will always keep me interested if she knows what to do with the ruler, but there’s really no such thing as the sexy baseball player. Girls look foolish with hats on anyways. If I don’t like your face I will just fuck you from behind.
Rompers; they sound like some sexy outfit made for easy access. Unfortunately, they are the most annoying thing possible. They might be free-flowing and easier for girls to let their shit breathe, but what bro likes to get back and pull out only put it work just to find a place to put it.
Think of things that you regret wearing over time, if for some reason jorts do yourself a favor and go play in traffic. It’s less offensive when girls wear jorts if only because they aren’t being born down to the ankles (with matching gold chains and beaters to match). But make no mistake, jorts just look too country for this bro.
Jeans come in all sizes, shapes, and colors, but there’s just some shit that doesn’t even look remotely attractive. After a certain age (trust me, you’ll get there bros), you want a broad that looks mature. There’s a difference between mature and old as fuck. Mom jeans are terribly bad looking on anyone. I dare you to find anyone that looks good in those things.
What’s the point of going out if you’re just going to wear some conservative long skirt or dress that goes all the way down to your ankles? I want a chick that can show off that body. Sarah plain and tall, you are not for bros.
Perhaps they are really fucking hipster and that’s why I hate the look, but girls wearing oversized t-shirts just don’t do it for me. Summer is supposed to be about wearing less. If you have to wear a shirt that doesn’t show anything, then there’s likely a reason why you are hiding. Keep them fat arms and muffin-tops away. If you can’t run more than a mile on a treadmill without stopping to puke your guts out, then I don’t want to see what’s under that shirt.
The next two things sort of go together: belly shirts and low-rise jeans. If you don’t at least have a flat or toned stomach, then belly shirts or anything showing off the midriff just ain’t for you. Halter tops are the same difference. If your tits don’t look perfect then don’t do it to us. The term “belly” shirt doesn’t mean that you are supposed to have a belly. Disgusting. Low-rise jeans are an interesting topic. They can look really hot, but when girls wear thongs (or worse, any other kind of underwear) they just look trifling. So it’s either no underwear or wearing regular jeans.
Peplum tops have been and continue to be rather trendy. They are essentially the new-age version of spanks. The drunk or non-thinking man doesn’t have a fucking clue that he is about bang a beached whale because the shirt she is wearing destroys any sign of the kangaroo pouch. I like to call it “smuggling a joey”. You’re welcome UrbanDictionary.