Life
by Tolly Taylor on December 4, 2013

1. FaceTime

Haven’t FaceTimed your best bro (bb)? Try it. For some reason, we don’t bat an eye at Snapchat shit pics—everyone has that friend who loves to send them—but have the gall to FaceTime your bb instead of calling him, and it’s going to get weird. There’s something intimate about it that seems… off. Set up a time to Skype because you live far away, and it’s fine, but FaceTime your friend out of the blue, and he’s going to ask some questions.

2. Dance 

Dancing is a highly personal form of self-expression. We do it to feel good, exercise, or (more likely) to meet women. If you’re there with your bb, and you each have a girl to dance with, great. But as soon as those girls disappear and it’s just you and your friend, you’ve got several factors to worry about, including, but not limited to: fear of social inadequacy, body image issues, fear of being perceived as gay, fear of being laughed at, and fear of uninhibited displays of self expression with other men around. Together, they form a nice little cocktail of social anxiety that’s hard to swallow.

3. Share Dessert

There’s something about eating large amounts of food that’s inherently tied to masculinity. It’s perfectly fine to share an appetizer—as long as you’re each getting an entrée, too. Even share entrées, if they’re the two best burgers in town, but under no circumstances can you share dessert. That’s got to be all you. You’re stuffed from the appetizer and the entrée, and only want half a piece of pie? Too bad. Man up. You can’t order one piece of pie with two spoons. You just can’t. Call it what you want, but it’s against social norms for bros to share dessert, and you’ll sense the awkwardness if you do.

4. Take Selfies 

You and your best bro with a cute girl? Selfie away. But as soon as the girl walks away, the selfies stop, am I right? Suddenly it’s weird. Guys can be vain, but it’s supposed to be in the privacy of their room or the restroom. In those safe havens, stare away. When it’s just you and your best friend though, the thought of taking photos of just you two for no other reason than to post them later shows a level of self infatuation that’s socially unacceptable. Maybe discouraging vanity is good, but encouraging social stigmas isn’t.

5. Bathroom Broquest

Simply put, you can’t ask your bro to go to the bathroom with you. If you both get up at the same time to go, that’s fine—it wasn’t intentional. You might talk in there, joke around, whatever. And that’s all fine because you guys just happened to go at the same time. But there’s some disconnect when it comes to actually asking your friend to go with you. Girls do it all the time, but for some reason, it’s a big social no-no for guys. Bathroom time for bros, the thinking goes, is private time—even though a glance through any guys Snapchats will show it’s not.

Want to add to or disagree with this list? Comment with your thoughts below.

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[Old friends image via Shutterstock]