There is a time and a place for everything… it’s called college. College is the first time in your life you are living on your own, have little to no responsibility, and there are a million awesome distractions all around you. This bucket list was created as a guide to your newly found freedom and opportunities. All 50 items on the list are strongly recommended, except for maybe getting arrested. My goal in creating this list is to protect you from graduating college with regrets. You don’t ever want to say to yourself “I should have gone to that crazy frat party instead of studying for that meaningless exam,” or “I wish I went on that road trip with all my Bros.” So go ahead, read the list and decide for yourself, but you are only in college once so make sure you don’t pass up some of these opportunities, which you will never have again.
1. Go Streaking
The chances of getting arrested for streaking increase dramatically after your school days are over — think professional sporting events, citywide parades, and political rallies. So unless you have aspirations of getting arrested and added to the public sex offender list, college is your best chance at running through a public place in your birthday suit.
2. Get Kicked out of a Bar
Not only is getting kicked out of a bar acceptable in college, it’s almost encouraged. Even though it may ruin the rest of your night, it always makes for a good story. This is also a way to gauge how cool a bar actually is. Every bar kicks people out, but only the cool ones let those people back in on a later date.
3. Hook Up with Two or More Girls in One Night
In my opinion, this is what your typical college frat party should be all about. They usually take place in a dark basement or back room with music blaring so loud your ears ring for days, while Fratty Lights are handed out like candy at a NAMBLA convention (you “South Park” fans know what I’m talking about). This is the perfect fratmosphere to bounce around the party and hook up with as many girls as possible.
4. Take an Exam Drunk
Not only is this something you should do before you graduate, I can almost guarantee you will have to do it in some way, shape, or form. Some exams take place at 8 a.m. and some take place in the evening. Either way, there is no way to avoid walking into an exam after a night out trolling for tail or after a day-drinking extravaganza. Just try not to let the professor notice.
5. Tell a Professor an Extended Family Member Died in Order to Get Out of an Exam (repeat as necessary)
Have you ever heard of the “Irresistible Force Paradox?” It’s the paradox formed with the question “What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?” Well the unstoppable force is that immense desire you have to party your face off and the immovable object is that exam you should have been studying for for the past week. When this happens, you need to pull the “death in the family” card. Just simply tell a professor your Uncle Jack died and problem solved. Paradox my ass.
6. Double Team a Chick with a Bro
This one takes some finesse and requires the right circ*mstances. In most cases, Bros do not want a fellow Bro impeding on their sexual conquests, especially if it’s with a classy, hot broad. The only way to pull this one off is to find your local university c*m dumpster, who you don’t care about completely defiling and laughing about later. Once you’ve found your target, you and your fellow teammate need to develop a game plan. Obviously, asking this chick to get double stuffed right to her face will probably not work. Whatever your strategy is, make sure you keep in mind the most important rule, the only contact allowed between teammates is a high five.
7. Get so Drunk you Piss the Bed with a Girl in It
This is something that will probably just happen anyway. Read Tucker Max’s “The Pee Blame” to see how to handle this situation.
8. Bang a Fat Chick
Don’t go out looking for Sally Struthers every night but you might as well check this one off the list while you’re in college. It won’t be acceptable later in life. You could also try to play "Hog Race" with your buds. You each put $20 in the pot and whoever brings home the fattest chick, as agreed upon by the group, wins the pot. It's some good, clean fun.
9. Bang a Hot Chick
Make sure you do not graduate college without banging a few hotties. Hopefully this goes without saying, but if I left it off the list and someone forgot to bang a hot chick while they were in college I would feel terrible.
10. Get Drunk or Stoned with a Professor
Some professors are regulars at the local campus bars. Make sure you get a chance to pound a few brews with a cool professor of yours. If you get the chance to blaze up with a professor make sure you take it. Not only is this f*cking awesome, you’ll also lock up an A in the course.