Here at BroBible we always try to help people find love, especially if one of those people is a down-on-her-luck chick who is searching high and low for the guy who blew his load all over her face and then used his cum as an adhesive to hold a $100 bill. Maybe it's the touching story, or maybe my inner philanthropist shining through, but I want this girl's dehydrated face to be doused in jizz once again. And really, only a savage would see this post and not try to help these sweet kids to find each other. Many thanks to reader @DMidProblems for this tip.
According the post on Craigslist:
Gansevoort bathroom in January - w4m - 24 (West Village)
I was your cocktail waitress 3 weeks ago at the rooftop. You were there on a Wednesday night with your friends(?) or clients from work. You said you worked for GS, but you might have just said whatever. I mean, what does a dumb bitch like me know, right? You flirted with me and asked me what I did other than work here and I told you I'm in acting school. You were really hot in that asshole lacrosse kinda way with your blonde hair and broad shoulders, maybe 29, 30. You followed me to the bathroom and grabbed my tits and hair pushed down. I got on my knees and sucked your cock. I didn't know what else to do. Then you blew a load on my face and stuck a $100 bill on it. You walked out without saying anything, when I straightened up and came out your table already settled. And left me a nice tip. I wish you left me a card but you probably didn't want me to know your real name or where you really worked.
I'd just leave it at that, and apply it to my acting, but the trouble is that I really liked it. You made me feel like a fucking cheap chinky whore. I wanna do it again but you don't need to tip me. Get in touch, please. We don't have to date. I just really liked pleasing you.
First of all, I don't think she exactly missed this connection; from what I can glean it looks like he connected just fine with her face. And second, I'd like to say in advance that it is not necessary for this broad to thank me for the thousands of emails she's about to receive from guys looking to "connect." I'm only doing what every other good-hearted human being would do if they were put in the same position.
Below is a screenshot of the post. Go here if you want to see the full missed connection on Craigslist. The photo attached to the ad shows nipples so I couldn't include it.
[Girl with money on face image via ShutterStock]