Pizza and T-shirts. The currency of college. And with every currency, there is a value placed on the T-shirts that any Bro/Brah obtains. This value scale goes all the way from the sad orientation shirts that everyone gets to the highly coveted vintage greek event shirt. Below, a guide to the value of your college tee, in order of most awesome to lamest:
The Vintage Shirt
This is not the "Vintage Style" bookstore shirt that every single person who has ever even visited your school own. This is the shirt that your older sibling/parent who went to your school gave you or you found in the house when you moved in. Having the "Alpha Delta Pledge Class '88" T-shirt will definitely throw you some points. But keep your eye on that shirt because....
The “Walk of Shame” Stolen T-Shirt
…Any chick who knows what she's doing will steal it. The stolen T-shirt is a prize, and a female-exclusive privilege. Whether it's a frat shirt or a team practice shirt, if by wearing it she call tell the entire campus that she banged you last night, she's taking it right out of your dress (or off your floor). Hopefully, she earned it.
The Final Four/National Championship/Bowl T-Shirt
If your school is good enough to make it into the Final Four or win any type of championship, wear that shirt with pride forever. Those shirts are a constant reminder that your school is the best, so being the fan that got kicked out of the game for cheering too "rowdily" was all worth it.
The Greek Event T-Shirt
SAE’s Mud Bowl ’09 was epic. And now you’ve got the shirt to prove it. Plus, it's representation of top frats and sororities on campus. The better your event, the more people wearing your shirt (or, sometimes, the fewer).
The Rivalry T-Shirt
That other school sucks. Any college worth their rivalry status has come up with a clever slogan to tell everyone exactly how much that other school sucks. From "LSU Bleauxs" to "CHOklahoma," the more anger-inciting, the better.
The Lax Tourney T-Shirt
A personal favorite of mine. Every college laxer and his bros have tournament shirts. They're a solid reminder of good times on the field and the teams you played against. Bonus points if you've got a "90% of lax is in the flow" tee.
The Local Food T-Shirt
The pizzeria or sub shop with the best food tends to have the best shirts, too. Some of these places have promotions for wearing their shirt. Swag for swag. Only in college....
The Favorite Bar T-Shirt
Many of your fondest college memories took place in that dank college bar, whose unofficial motto is something like "Where you don't have to have a good time to drink." So instead of trying to remember those memories or that motto, just wear the shirt.
The Senor Frogs T-Shirt
Every single person who has been on Spring Break has this shirt. Even if you HAVEN'T been on Spring Break, you own this shirt.
The Fan Section T-Shirt
Every school has a dedicated block of fans with their own name, whether they're the "Cameron Crazies" or "Gator Nation." The T-shirts prove the dedication, and every team wants to see their colors raging from the sidelines.