Life
by TheOnlineComics on May 9, 2012

1. The 4 AM Booty Call

Yeah, it’s that time of the night. The bar is closing, everyone is paired off…except for you. You leave the bar stumbling to your drunk food of choice, when you remember that 8 that lives just down the block. She hopefully won’t mind a nice 4 AM wakeup call or even better, she’s just getting home too. These booty calls are a surefire way to get laid because any girl that will let an extremely drunk dude come over at 4AM is definitely down in a million different ways.

2. The Out-of-Your-League Booty Call

This is your dream girl. She’s a 10 and you decide to test the waters. While out, you send over the classic, “Hey what are you getting into later?” You don’t really expect much from this but to your amazement, she responds that she would love to meet up. You try your hardest not to get too drunk and somehow you do end up over at this girl’s place later on. Who knows if it will ever materialize into anything…but who really cares, you got your shot at glory. Congrats, Bro.

3. The Generous Booty Call

These are the best Booty Calls ever. You might remember these starting back in high school. You and your best dudes are getting drunk at someone’s house because their parents are out of town. You decide to call up Valerie to come and get loaded on what high school girls liked best…smirnoff ice, bacardi razz or, perhaps, even Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Not only did Valerie show up, she brought three of her best friends too adn they all have the exact same intentions as you. Thank you, Generous Booty Call. Not only are you in debt to her, all of your friends are too.

4. The Holiday Break Booty Call

It’s Thanksgiving or winter break and it is officially time to pull out that old high school directory. Think really hard, you know there is some girl that you gave the business to back in the day that is still lingering around town. Chances are she’s either in a committed relationship, is struggling to find her way out of her parents house or is just back in town for a few days like you. Skip the one in the relationship but make good use of the other two. The girl in from out of town is just as bored and horny as you and the other one…is just as bored and horny as you are too. Godspeed.

5. The Spring Break, “Met-You-on-the-Beach-this-Morning” Booty Call

Glorious, glorious Spring Break. Endless booze and women. You always meet a few girls the first day or two that will show some major interest. That being said, exchange as many numbers as you can because at least half of them probably won’t ever respond to your texts (they lost their phone, they’re already hooking up, they suck, etc.) However, there’s always that one girl that gets ditched by her friends…or better yet, there’s the girl that decides to bring her entire hot group of friends back to party at your hotel room. Spring break hookups are legendary. Anything goes.

6. The Backburner Booty Call

You are lucky enough in this situation to have multiple options. There is obviously the “Out of League Booty Call,” you can try, but if that fails there’s always old faithful: The Backburner. This is a girl who has made it apparent that she will hook up with you pretty much no matter what. She is just one text away from being in your bed. Sure, she’s definitely not your first choice, but she’s ready and willing. Most likely she is very clingy and you will probably have trouble getting her to leave the next morning. Just remember, there’s always a fake paper you need to be working on or an extremely important meeting that you’re late to.

7. The No-Strings-Attached Booty Call

This is the kind of booty call that every guy dreams of. This is the girl that has no interest in dating you, but likes you enough to let you pound after she, or you, comes home drunk from the bar. There are no strings attached and there will be no “hanging out” the next day. This is such a safe and amazing situation. Keep this girl around. She’s obviously not a slut, otherwise you would be in a long list of other booty calls for her. So cross your fingers that this lasts because the next guy she finds will most likely be a boyfriend.

8. The Desperate, Last Minute Ugly Booty Call

Christ, you haven’t gotten laid in a while. Another night out, no girls coming back with you. Sure, sure, you got one’s number tonight. We’re proud of you for that, but you still got to get your rocks off somehow. That’s when it hits you. There’s that one girl you hooked up with just that one time last summer that all of your buddies made fun of you for. F*ck it, who’s going to know this time. Go back to her place and then try to get out of there as quick as possible the next morning.

9. The Freshman Year One-Night-Stand Booty Call

We all remember this girl. Whether she was the hottest girl you’ve ever been with, the ugliest or most likely somewhere in the middle, it happened to all of us. Let’s be honest, it probably happened way more than just one time Freshman year. These girls were great and then we never saw them again. Oh, except for the time you got paired up with her in that class or accidentally sat next to her. That was awkward.

10. The Co-Worker Booty Call

Oh my God, did you see the brand new receptionist? She might be the hottest girl you’ve ever seen. One month later and you two are the last people at the work sponsored happy hour and that’s when it hits you: You’re about to bang the hottest chick in your office. If things go well, the co-worker booty call could last for a few months or longer, but it will inevitably turn sour, as work and sex have trouble mixing. Unless, of course, you pull a Don Draper and marry her.

Image via The Chive