Wanna Piss Off Your Parents? This Winner Craigslist Guy Is Willing To Be Your Creepy Felon Thanksgiving Dinner Date

“Piss off” might be an understatement, because if you roll up to the turkey table with this dude in tow:

your parents will probably just disown you on the spot.

But if they decide to give him a chance, they’ll quickly find out that he’s a 28-year-old felon with no high school degree, but he DOES own a dirty creeper van that he drives around. He’s also a line cook, because careers.

If that sounds like something you’d be up for, here’s the ad in full:

It’s Thanksgiving. Want to skip that long, insulting conversation about how youre still single? About how your parents really want more grand children? Well, look no further!

I am a 28 year old felon with no high school degree, and a dirty old van one year younger than me painted like Eddie Van Halen’s guitar. I can play anywhere between the ages of 20 and 29 depending on if i shave. I’m a line cook and work late nights at a bar. If you’d like to have me as your stictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I’m game.

I can do these things, at your request:
openly hit on other female guests while you act like you dont notice.

start instigative discussions about politics and/or religion.

propose to you in front of everyone.

pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on (sorry, i dont drink, but i used to. alot. too much in fact. i know the drill).

Start an actual, physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for all the neighbors to see.

I require no pay but the free meal i will receive as a guest!

[H/T MTV, header image via Shutterstock]