Women have been faking orgasms ever since Adam worked his way into Eve’s leaf G-string. We’ve been getting away with it for years but when you learn to read the signs of a fake, you can call us out on our shit. Then you can fix whatever it is and give the girl a real mind blowing O so she doesn’t run around campus telling all her friends how you couldn’t get her off. (We do that. We totally do that.)
Research has shown that an estimated 70% of women fake their orgasms. That means if you have been with ten girls, seven of those “Omigods” we’re fake. If you think you’ve never witnessed a fake orgasm before you’re dead wrong. It doesn’t mean you’re bad in bed if she fakes it. The majority of the time she can’t get there because she’s preoccupied thinking about how she shouldn’t have had that late night pizza because now her non-existent “roll” is showing. Or maybe she’s wasted and as dry as the Sahara desert or just really exhausted and wants to get it over with so she can pass out. Don’t take it personally.
On average a woman takes anywhere between ten to thirty minutes to reach the big O. You guys tend to be a bit quicker which is why that whole “ladies first” rule is kind of a conundrum. That’s the number one reason we start feigning that heavy breathing and dial in the “Oh my god [insert your name here] don’t stop! YES! I’m almost there.” She’s a filthy liar. She just feels bad that you’re done and she hasn’t gotten there yet. Learn to read the signs of the fake O.
1. First of all, we’re not especially cute when we’re screaming out your name. If she’s about to come she will be sweating at least a little. Her whole body should feel hot and she’ll probably be speaking in tongues. If her body temperature hasn’t increased then she’s faking it.
2. The muscles all over her body will tighten up and contract causing a slight spasm. This is especially noticeable in her abdomen. That’s something you can see and feel so that’s a big hint whether it’s the real thing or not.
3. Lastly, if you’re inside her or you fingers are in there you’ll physically feel her cumming. Her vag and uterus will contract about ten to fifteen times and you’ll feel her clenching rapidly. Sure she can try to fake it by tightening around you but it’s impossible for her to do it as fast as the real thing. Take two of your fingers and grasp them with you other hand then squeeze those two fingers really fast ten times. That’s what it should feel like.
Not all guys know to look out for those signs but a few have been trained. A year or so ago my mind was blown when a guy I was hooking up with casually said, “I know you faked it” after we hooked up. He told me he didn’t feel me cum and explained the whole clenching thing. The jig was up. So now you know if she’s putting on a huge porn star-inspired performance and you feel no contractions going on – fake.
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