If science has taught us anything, it’s that being a bro is hereditary and often passed down from generation to generation. While time may have dulled the outter bro, thy inner bro never dies. A true bro is not held back by physical disabilities or age. In the past we have spoken of your father being a bro, but lest we forget the brotriarch of the family. Your grandpa. The wise elder bro.
His methods and tendencies may have been different in his youth but some things never change. Was he trippin on molly at a Avicci concert poolside in Vegas? No. He was fresh off his third tour of slaying Nazi’s in Europe (which would later be used as the basis of a Call Of Duty storyline) getting hammered at Coney Island while twisting his hips to the Beach Boys.
Here are a few ways to identify whether or not your grandpa is a bro:
1. His not so subtle racist/sexist/homophobic comments embarrass you in public. He grew up in a different time where being “politically correct” only meant not being a communist. He’s set in his ways and nothing is going to make him change.
2. He served in the army. His “study abroad” program was slightly more deadly then yours.
3. Shaving every day is not optional.
4. He is constantly reminding you that he was physically superior to you at your age and still threatens to kick your ass.
5. “Today’s kids have it easy in life” and he doesn’t understand why we are all watching the World Cup.
6. His old football sweater is considered a family heirloom.
7. His political views would lead you to believe he considers Fox News to be the new new testament.
…and The Lord said to Abel, “crush this wine during the sacrament and respect thy elder bro”.
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