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How to Survive Going to the Beach With Your Girlfriend’s Family

Summer's going strong and if you don’t live in the same town as your girlfriend, most likely she invited you on some sort of family vacation. In theory it sounds like a good idea, hanging out with your girlfriend on a nice vacation where every things paid for. In all likelihood it won’t be.

Sure, you’ll spend some time together, get to know her a little better, but the whole time you’ll be counting down the minutes till you’re back home. If her family sucks you won't even be sleeping in the same bed… so good luck with that.

1. Bring your own sh*t to do (i.e. running shoes, a laptop, personal lubricant, etc...). It’s best to give yourself a bit of a break, if you’re on her family beach trip you’ll presumably be in cramped quarters. So get out of the house for 45 minutes and give your girl a little time to solo with mom.

2. Dress appropriately. You don’t want to be that a**hole who only wears sweatpants to a family party. Even if your girlfriend doesn’t say anything, I guarantee, she wont like it. Going through a whole trip only to have her being pissed at you at the end for not wearing khakis definitely isn’t worth it.

3. Find one entertaining family member to chill with. If you’re lucky she might have one really chill person in her family. In my family it’s the token pothead uncle. If you can find one stick with them as your go to person to talk to. They’ll bring you a little more stimulation than talking to her mom about what classes you’re taking next semester or whatever moms talk about.

4. Offer to help out. It’s the right thing to, it’s going to make your girlfriend really happy, and in the long run will give you a lot of points that you can late redeem for sex. If it’s helping with dishes or playing soccer in the yard with her cousins, being nice to the family can only benefit you. “Remember when I carried all of the groceries for your mom??” is something you can use to get out of watching the "Kardashians" for a while. 

Side note: If her dad asks you to do something alone: Be very afraid. My dad has made my boyfriends do things from shotgun a beer, shoot skeet with the 45 in the yard, or dig a ditch. It’s all a test so play your cards right and you might be in the clear. F*ck it up and you’re out or definitely on the way out.

5. Don’t go into it expecting to have sex. A common mistake is going into it thinking that since you’re going to the beach with your girl, you’ll be getting laid every day. In all likeliood, this mindset will only lead to disappointment. With family members around, and activities like Yates being played at night, she’s probably not going to be in the mood. But take what you can get. A late night walk on the beach could surly go your way. 

6. Be down for other activities. Chances are you might not be drinking, you’re certainly not having much sex, but at least you can enjoy the beach. Hopefully it’s somewhere pretty nice, so enjoy bikinis and the sun while you get the chance.

Laugh it up now, because you're not getting any tonight.

 

 

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