Instead of White Walkers north of the wall, we are about have sundresses, summer shares, ruined relationships, beach days and way too many “Eh, why not? It’s nice out” beers.
Summer is here and based on this past winter, it might be the most diabolical one yet. Here’s what you can expect:
You’re Going To Drink. A Lot.
This is a gift and a curse, really. On the one hand, you’re drinking with friends, partying a ton and making some interesting decisions with your genitals. On the other hand, you’re probably going to string bender after bender together for, like, 90 straight days. Aside from constantly poisoning your body on an almost daily basis, this will undoubtedly be the best time of your year.
You’re Going To Start Working Out Aggressively For One Week And Then Stop
Ain’t nothing quite like the societal pressure to not look like shit in anticipation of the summer. Dudes load up on creatine and protein powder while girls watch Beyonce videos and feel self-conscious about themselves. You’re going to build a workout regimen, promise yourself that you won’t eat fast food and say that you’re going to “keep it going” all summer. Don’t worry, though. Once working out becomes anything close to an inconvenience, you’ll stop.
You’re Going To Go To The Beach And Wonder Why You’re There
The beach is pretty awesome when you have a plan. You know, partying, doing water activities, or even tossing the football would qualify as “something.” Unfortunately, you’re going to hit the beach a few times this summer and have no fucking clue why you’re there. You, three friends, a towel, a cooler with seven beers in it and two wasted hours are staring you right in the face. No need to hit the beach every single time it’s above 85 degrees.
You’re Going To Get A Summer Share House
“Man, fuck this vast metropolis with tons of things to do and thousands of people in my age range. I NEED to get out of here for the entire summer” – You, probably.
Summer shares will give you a chance to relive the best parts of college for 12 straight weekends. Sure, they may seem like an absurd expenditure on paper, but if you get the right group, it’ll certainly be worth it. FYI, this is also where security deposits go to die.
You Or One Of Your Friends Is Going To Ruin Their Romantic Relationship
Delete all 500 photos of your significant other in your phone, send that Twitter DM you were nervous about sending and eviscerate your future ex-boyfriend/girlfriend from the inside out because #SummerIsComing. But seriously, between all of this drinking, sundresses and booty shorts, someone’s going to make a mistake. Either you or one of your friends is going to spend most their summer in a regretful haze. If it’s one of your friends, you have to make sure that you are still having a good time while simultaneously preventing them from falling off the deep-end. If it happens to you, whoops. Blame it on summer.
Follow Dub J on Twitter and check his blog, A Working Man’s Diary