As you may have heard, today, March 14, is the mantastic holiday known as "Steak and Blow Job Day." Falling approximately one month from Valentine's Day, it's the bull-shit free day when the woman in your life shows her appreciation for you by cooking a steak dinner and tenderizing your meatstick with her mouth. Ladies, whatever you do tonight, do not forget about this holiday. Simply skipping this delightfully carnivorous holiday because it's Monday or "you're too tired to cook" is like us bringing over Hot Pockets and a box of Pop Tarts in lieu of dinner and flowers on Valentine's Day. You still have plenty of time to run to the grocery store, pick up a T-Bone, and get down to business in the kitchen.
If you don't know how to prepare a proper steak dinner, we've dug up an old cooking show video of adult entertainment star Bree Olson showing off her culinary prowess. That's right: Sheen's goddess is actually quite multi-talented, and not just in the ways that involve her mouth and body cavities you never knew existed. In the SFW video, the "dirtiest girl in adult entertainment" provides all sorts of helpful suggestions for cooking that slab of beef to a perfect medium-rare pink. Perhaps the best advice comes in part two, when Olson reminds women to "not be afraid to touch the meat." Gentlemen, a warning: This video will make you extremely hungry.
For those who weren't paying attention and just ogling over Olsen fondling thick, juicy cuts of meat, here's the actual recipe:
Bree's Steak Dinner Recipe: Ingredients: 2 Filet Mignon 2"+ Baseball Cut (go to a good neighborhood butcher!)
8 - 10 Red Potatoes
3 to 4 Roma Tomatoes
Fresh French or Sourdough Bread
Before you begin to get all the ingredients, place your steaks in the freezer. This will keep the center of the steak cool. Very important for cooking large cuts of meat like filet. You will want them in the freezer for about 10 to 15 minutes. After lighting the grill (ideally a 500-degree grill or higher), wash, clean potatoes. Cut 5 to 6 Red Potatoes into quarter or smaller wedges. Place potatoes, 4 to 5 Tbsp of olive oil, fresh ground pepper, fresh ground salt, and rosemary in a large bowl. Mix the ingredients evenly. Place potatoes in foil tent. Use two layers if necessary. Put potatoes on the grill. Place them towards the front or away from indirect heat. Set your kitchen timer for 12-15 minutes depending on heat of the grill. Grab your steaks. Cut off any excesses of fat. Place steaks on a plate or wax paper. Rub them down with olive oil. Then sprinkle black pepper on top and bottom of steak. Push pepper into the steaks so it will not come off easily.
When the timer goes off place your steaks on the barbecue. For a 1" steak set your timer for 4 minutes, 1.5" steak 5 min, 2" steak 6 min. You will only turn the steak once. After timer goes off pour some Worcestershire Sauce on the steak before you turn it. Then turn the steak and pour some more sauce on the other side. Place the cut tomatoes cut side down on the grill. Close barbecue and wait. Use same number of minutes above for the other side. Remove when done.