Tonight is the President's annual State of the Union address, which gives socially-awkward Americans everywhere a reason to complain about "New Girl" not being on at its regularly scheduled time. Since booze and politics make for a wonderful bedfellow (if you disagree, I suggest binge watching "House of Cards" on Netflix) AND it's Fat Tuesday, we've created a State of the Union drinking game for tonight's address. Last call to get your Mardis Gras on! This will be Obama's first State of the Union address of his second term, so expect him to lay out his main political objectives for the next few years. Ted Nugent will be in attendance in the House chamber tonight! Fun times! Expect lots of snarky, bitter Tweets from people on both sides of the aisle tonight.

Obama takes the podium for the speech at 9 EST, so you have plenty of time to buy a $9 dollar fifth of bourbon on your way home from work this evening. Thus, presenting our 2013 State of the Union address drinking game. Bottoms up.

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One Drink:

• Every time there's a standing ovation.
• Every time Joe Biden flashes the piano keys he calls teeth.
• If Michelle Obama shows up "baring arms."
• Every mention of "the middle class."
• If a congressman is pictured playing with their phone.
• When the following issues are inevitably discussed: gun reform, not taking away the Second Amendment, the Afghanistan war, Iran's nuclear program, U.S. security abroad, gay rights, tax breaks for small businesses, immigration, education, climate change, and job creation.

Two Drinks:

• Every time there's a bi-partisan standing ovation.
• Every time the camera pans to a pissed off Republican.
• If Michelle Obama shows up not baring arms.
• When Obama talks about the special anecdotal person in attendance. 
• If a member of Congress is pictured yawning or asleep.

Finish Your Drink:

• If there's a spontaneous vocal outburst from a member of Congress in reaction to something POTUS says.
• When Obama quotes another President.
• If a Supreme Court justice is pictured yawning or asleep.
• If a member of Congress is caught on camera making an inappropriate gesture.

Do a Shot:

• When the camera pans to Ted Nugent during the gun reform discussion.
• If Joe Biden laughs audibly and inappropriately during the speech
• If a member of Congress is pictured looking at the SI Swimsuit Issue on his phone during the speech.
• If Obama quotes a musician and/or movie.

Butt-Chug*:

• If a member of Congress is caught Snapchating during the speech.
• If a Supreme Court justice is caught on camera making an inappropriate gesture. 
• Any audible fart noises, presumably from Joe Biden who probably stuffed his face with chimichangas before the speech.

*Obviously this is a joke. Don't butt-chug, idiots.