There was a kid in my elementary school who qualified for Guts. Nice kid, good at sports. Didn't rock any boats.
I hated him. Just pure, unyielding jealousy. He got to go to Universal Studios and enter the Extreme Arena. He got to meet Mo Quirk, who was one of the hottest women alive. He got to climb the 28 feet of the Aggro Crag. I remember being very thrilled when he didn't win, which meant that he didn't get a glowing piece of the Crag. I was kind of a shithead.
I felt that same sort of schadenfreude today while scrolling through "Stalking Guts." Easily one of the greatest Tumblr ideas of 2013, the blog has managed to find dozens of former Guts contestants on Facebook, posting their current profile pictures beside their 12-year-old selves. (While blacking out any identifying marks, of course.) The main takeaway? Guts glory was very, very fleeting. The magic of the Aggro did NOT rub off on many of our country's former athletic heroes, who now work as porn stars, possible meth addicts, and tattoo aficionados. Yes, even those touched by Mo Quirk sometimes don't grow up to be shortstop for the Yankees.
Be careful. There are some incredible things going on in these pictures.
Jose hasn't lost the swagger that prompted him to self-identify as a "basketball star" at the age of 12.
Just gonna move on from the obvious Hammer joke.
David moved on from tearing up BMX tracks to tearing up the streets. Yo.
Tracy is pictured here in an updated version of her old gymnastics unitard.
Being called "The Munchkin" on a Nickelodeon show led Kenneth to some interesting places.
Ragin' Cajun as an 11-year-old. Punk as a 20-something. Badass for life.
HER NAME WAS COUGAR.
OH MY GOD.