Life
by Reggie Noble on March 5, 2013

I went on Spring Break looking to hookup as much as possible, just like everyone else. Not bragging but I did pretty well and my last snipe was the worst, yet easily the best story of them all.

We went down with small group of people but met a bunch so by the end of the week we had a good team. A girl we were hanging around with came up to me and said that her friend wanted to wheel me. Game time.

Knowing I had it in the bag I drank some more and was completely bombed. She was sober and when I tried to talk to her she did not find my humor funny, at all. So I said fuck it, grabbed her hand, and walked her back to my room. We got there and started going right at it. Since I was bombed, I thought it was a great idea to go down on her. So I did that for a bit…or a while, I guess. And then we banged.

After we finished, she geared up and left, which I thought was nice of her. I wear contacts so before I went to bed I went to the bathroom to take them out. I turn the lights on and as I put my hand up to my eye I noticed it: Blood. Not just a little mark on my finger, I looked like I had dipped my hands in a bucket of red paint. What was worse was there was a smear across my mouth and chin. I started gagging and didn't know what to do. So I went out to the room and turned on the lights. It looked like I had slaughtered an animal. Gallons of blood had to have flowed out of this chick. The bed was unusable.

(Side note: There was no running water at the resort that night. Seriously, I can't make this up).

So with this all happening conveniently on the same night, I ran to my buddy’s room so that he could poor bottled water on my hands to wash them. Clearly, he found this really funny.

I never did see that girl again. Don't know what I’ll do to her if I ever do. But thanks to her I don’t know if I can fuck with the lights off ever again.

Submit your tales of spring break debauchery here.