It’s graduation season and that means it is officially time to embark on the “real” world for many of you. Yeah, your quality of life is most likely going to decline, but you’ll make the necessary adjustments. To replace the aggressive drinking and sexual conquests, you’re basically going to establish residence in several bars. Instead of skipping class, you’re going to have sick days stocked up. And for the athletes out there, you’ll play random sports throughout the year just to make sure you still have “it.” To clarify, you are going to join a:
You might join this with a group of friends, or you may have responded to the desperate “join our softball team” company-wide email. Either way, you’re going to get kind of drunk, play poorly in the field and just try to mash home runs for roughly two hours. Your main responsibility here is trying not to get fired.
Flag Football League
You won a few intramural flag football championships in college, so it’s only natural that you take your talents to the grown-up field. One problem, games are usually on Sunday and you are usually painfully hungover on Sundays. Sure, you may be a better athlete than the other guys that you are playing against, but they’re not over there dry-heaving after a poorly executed out-route. Don’t worry, you’re probably going to be playing in this league until you’re officially the “old” guys.
Yeah, you were one of the better players on the court when you played at your school, but you haven’t played rec-league basketball yet. You also haven’t met “Bob” yet. Bob’s that dude that hates his shitty job, his family and most of his teammates, but also possesses impressive “grown-man” strength. He won’t hesitate to fuck you up at a moment’s notice. Once you cross that hurdle, you’ll be fine.
Introducing the weirdest, most unexplainable league you are probably going to join. Your initial response will be “Kickball?”, then someone will tell you that they just use it as an excuse to play flip cup at a bar all night, and before you can think “Why don’t we just go straight to the bar and play flip cup?” you’re already on the roster. Hey Bro, kick the ball, but keep your eye on the prize. The goal isn’t to score runs, it’s to bang that chick kicking in the 9th spot who inexplicably strikes out all of the time.
Oh yeah, forgot this part—one day you’re going to stop being a good athlete. All of sudden stuff that used to work will just stop working and will never work like it used to. It sucks. When everyone asks you why you are limping in the office the next day, just let them know that you were living the dream. The best and only answer that you can give.
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