Life
by Fitz E Fresh on September 26, 2012


Q: So I'm a freshman in college, at a pretty good-sized state university, and I want to get a lot of action this year. I didn't get a lot of action in high school, not because I didn't go out partying or because I was shy or any of that, it just didn't happen. I recently read that smart guys get less action and I know I'm one of the smarter guys around, but I'm not nerdy looking (no glasses, dreads, septum ring) so what’s my problem?

A: Where exactly did you read that bullsh*t, the Redneck Times? Whatever publication, you should unsubscribe because it's feeding you lies that are damaging your game.

You hate to see it happen.

Yes, hot bros usually have a better shot at getting the one-night-stand babes. But by the time a girl has finished the dull conversation over breakfast sandwiches the next morning, she's going to be over it.

Good looks are appealing enough to reel a girl in. But only the dudes with the brains have the qualities to keep them around.

Q: What is it with girls and iPhones? My girlfriend of four years is obsessed with her phone, constantly texting, Pinteresting, twittering, and just general useless social media sh*t. It drives me insane. Am I just overreacting? Or does it not seem rude/disrespectful that we can't even go out to dinner without her picking up her phone every 15 minutes.

A: No offense breau, but your girl sounds like a f*cking snooze fest. What the f*ck is she tweeting about while you guys are trying to enjoy a romantic meal? I don't want anyone I'm dining with, significant other or not, to be focusing on their mobile upload of our dinner more than the dinner itself.

If I were a betting woman, which I am, I'd put $50-$150 on her having a “wedding inspiration” board on Pinterest. You shouldn't know what that is — because everyone knows straight guys don't use Pinterest — but you might want to find out…unless you're trying to have your wife texting @ the altar.

Q: So I recently became friends again with my ex (bad idea already I know). We've been just hanging out, nothing sexual, just having fun enjoying each others company. She consistently brings up how bad I was during our relationship, lying, ditching to hang with friends, that whole thing. I don't understand why she keeps doing this, could you provide some insight?

A: Guilt tactics 101. By reminding you of how much you sucked before, she's trying to instill guilt, regret for your actions, and hopefully eventual change– so she can date the fixed version of you.

Brilliant right? And it sort of sounds like it's working. Soon enough you'll be kissing, then boning, and eventually, back to fighting. Just like the good old days.
Think it's time to lay some ground rules.

Q: Here's a quickie. Is it better to hook up at a random party or take a girl to a private area and what's the best way to take her away from the place (obviously she's into you.) I need an answer to continue hooking-up cause it’s been weird lately.

A: I don't know if we're talking dance floor finger blast or bathroom bj, but either way it's always better to do your thing in private. It's a pretty big (albeit fun) party foul to hook up in your friend’s parent’s bed while they're out of town– but she'll be more comfortable and you'll be more successful if you take her to, say, your own out-of-town parents bedroom.

If you're on campus, empty classrooms and closed dining halls are always cool too. If she knows you're taking her somewhere for (at least relatively) more privacy, I don't think you should have a problem.

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