Life
by Ariana Basseri on January 13, 2014

1. She Lets Her Wingwomen Fly Away

If your girl is cool with her posse leaving, she’s all yours. Hell, she was the one to tell them to GTFO in the first place. So if she’s staying at the bar without her lady-army, it’s in the bag. She’s given up ceremonious group bathroom trips to stay by your side. She’s in it to win it, and is showing her full trust in you and your D.

2. Eye Contact

Your smokeshow keeps catching your eye from across the bar. Girlfrien’ is pretending not to care, yet hasn’t stopped keeping tabs on you all night. She continues to hold her distance so she doesn’t seem too thirsty. One of you will eventually “bump” into the other. You’ll flirt using, “I couldn’t help noticing you,” lines and BOOM, you’re going to score.

3. And After The Party…

She’s trying to get you somewhere you two can be alone. She’ll either ask, “Where are you going next?” or, “Wanna go get food?” Avoid getting food. Depending on levels of inebriation, it’s not always a pretty sight and may be a boner-killer. Drunk greasy food also runs the risk of bloating. Bloat is fatal to confidence. She doesn’t want to be bouncing on top of you feeling like she’s in her third trimester. Get food together in the morning you Casanova you!

4. Dating Behavior

This may be your first encounter, but the cutesy handholding and public displays of affection scream otherwise. You two sneak away to smoke cigarettes outside and have taken an embarrassing collection of selfies together. You damn lovebirds keep finding yourselves saying, “let’s go get a drink at the bar.” You’ve officially become her faux-boyfriend for the night. Deal with it- every girl wants that adorable BS to mask the whore-dom she’s about to unleash on you back at your place. Worth it.

5. D-Floor Action

Babe’s grinding on you like it’s a middle school dance. Her ass is all up in your business and it doesn’t quit until the lights aggressively turn on. Now illuminated, those moves will gross people out, becoming your que to leave. Own it. Turn this simulated over-the-pants grinding action into the real thing.

6. She’s Buddy Buddy With The Bros

All of the sudden she’s besties with your crew. Don’t take this as a swoop on your bros’ part. She’s merely proving her chillness and gaining meaningful friend points. This is also a great way for her to be around you without being Desperate Girl 2014. Make a move one-on-one. Your bros will be down to high five her on her way out the next morning.

7a. She asks if you’re a murderer…

Don’t judge, this is a real life babe concern. Chicks watch way too much Investigative Discovery to rule these things out. Luckily your homegirl is drunk enough to take your word for it.

7b. The Less Direct Murderer Approach

Her wingwoman gets your address in case you’re a murderer. This is a great sign! That means a homecoming is in your imminent future. Your fate has been sealed and delivered by a third party perspective!

8. The Obvious

If you hear the following, grab your coat and never look back:

“Call us cab.”

“Let’s get out of here.”

Come on, you knew those ones.

9. The Drive-By

A drive-by is when the lady subject casually grazes or grabs your crotch and continues to walk. It’s the body language of lust and couldn’t be clearer. There is limited eye contact and even with your package in her hand for that millisecond, she’s mad coy. Pretend like it’s no big deal, then, go forth my son.

10. Recent Drunk History

You’ve done it before so you can do it again. From her perspective going home with you tonight doesn’t increase her number. She doesn’t feel slutty and everyone wins. Roadblock: Your girl is all over some random guy. Don’t worry. You always have the upper hand because she’s more likely to go home with you. Rando is likely being used to make you jealous. She wants you to man up and take action. She’s using Rando as a prop to inspire you to the front line.

Pro: You’re going to get laid if you try even a little because she hasn’t stopped thinking about your last encounter. Even if it sucked (i.e. you don’t really remember it) that girl will always want your attention.

Con: She’s all over someone else giving you minimal heads up. If she makes the babiest of moves on you, pounce.

 

Pic via Elite Daily