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Why Sharing a Facebook Account with Your Girlfriend Is the Kiss of Death

By / 02.26.14

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Women like to control shit. Anything out of their control scares the fuck out of them. Even girls with supreme confidence are like us (the alpha males of society), they still want that power even if they don’t make it known. But they also aren’t stupid and they know we aren’t as dumb as we act. So what does any scheming/trifling-ass girl do when she wants her other half to think that she’s comfortable in their relationship? A dual/shared account on Facebook sounds about right.

Even if you aren’t even slightly sketched out by the request to create such an identity, you have to wonder what need there is if you are actually thinking your relationship is solid. Some girls like to claim that it makes things easier. Other girls like to think that you should have all the same friends because you are rarely away from each other for long periods of time.

But what they really aren’t telling you is that they are suspicious. Not that you have done anything wrong yet, but there’s the chance that you will do something wrong. It’s just like the idea that cheating is just as bad as the act itself. I call bullshit. Not all women think about sex as often as guys (something like every 20 seconds), but they do think about it often enough (unless she’s frigid and/or really fucking old).

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So when you add a female friend on Facebook that isn’t a friend of your female half, you essentially want to fuck them regardless of the truth. Or at least that’s what women assume. That begs the question whether it is even wise to entertain the idea of a joint account. But dudes do it. And not only does it look corny as fuck, but you are essentially putting yourself in a corner that only divorce can crawl out of. This obviously isn’t a topic that excludes married couples, but is mostly directed at couples that have yet to tie the knot but insist on doing everything together.

Even if the account doesn’t create drama, it will inevitably raise questions of uncertainty within the relationship. Does this chick seriously think I’m going to cheat on her? Shouldn’t my word be good enough? Truth be told, I have thrown around various double-standards in my previous relationships and every time it boils down to one thing, communication. It might be one or two-sided, but it’s brewing and shit is about to hit the fan. And how can we even talk to you? And whose birthday is it when we want to remind you about that nasty girl that you fucked at the frat house so long ago? As if a guys’ night is fucking weird enough when you are the only bag of dicks to show up with their female counterpart.

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Besides, what couples have the same exact friends, likes, and interests? Fucking losers, that’s who. Fucking insecure, sheltered, squares that have to rely on each other to be social. All that shit breeds in the end is resentment. It will be an instant excuse for her to start a fight. Or it will be something for her to hold over you when she feels like it. And this is all assuming that men are the ones fucking up. The worst part of this is, if you aren’t thrilled with the idea, she will expect something to be wrong or that you are holding out on her.

And what comes next? The shared dog account? Or dare I even mention the shared baby account? Nothing is more exhausting obnoxious than seeing 10,000 photos of your awesomely attractive baby (who is secretly not attractive-yes, there are ugly babies out there). Everyone is proud of their kid until they get a Facebook of their own and start showing off their body parts and spewing ridiculous shit all over the internet (note to self: don’t have slutty/ignorant kids).

Men, do yourselves a favor and avoid the shared Facebook account at all costs, or be prepared to hand over your man card.

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