It's Monday and I'm having a hell of a time getting back into working/thinking/existing, so let's just get right to it. Submit your stories here.
I found this first one posted in the Brommunity...
My sophomore year of college I was living in our fraternity house and one of my brothers had a few friends in town. We went to the bars, and I remember buying his one friend "Kellie" a few washington apples, which made her extremely excited considering the fact she was underage and it was the first time she was ever in a bar.Needless to say, when we got back to the fraternity house, we went up to my room to grab a bottle and I turned around and she jumped on me. She pulls down my pants and starts blowing on my member like she needs it in order to live. While she was on top of me riding, my door got kicked in and all of my fraternity brothers came charging in. The best part is, the girl didn't stop and just kept riding me. During this I was so wasted I kept having my fraternity brothers come over and give me high fives and handshakes. After a while everyone got their fill of the show and went downstairs back to the party. While Kellie and I kept going at it. Eventually she bends over on my bed and puts her fingers in her ass and tells me that's where she wants it. I immediately get excited and jump up but I was drunk I lost my balance and fell splitting my head open. I got up and just ignored the blood and continued to bang her out. After we were all finished up I promised her I would go somewhere with her the next day. So the morning rolls around and she wakes up and tells me she'll see me later, I ask where I need to go and she gives me directions to the funeral home. To go to her mother's funeral. I man up and keep my word and show up to her mother's funeral and I'm shaking hands with her dad thinking " I've spent more time inside your daughter than I have actually getting to know her." This would not be the last I would see of Kellie, as she banged out several of my other fraternity brothers. Some time has passed and we have since learned she was on January's issue of Hustler's "Best of Beaver Hunt" Anyways, to find her interview or the cover of it just google search Kellie Hustler's beaver hunt, I just felt I couldn't keep something this hilarious to just my fraternity brothers and I.
Of course, I looked her up. And she looks as dirty (if not a thousand times dirtier) as she sounds. Good for her.
This next one came titled as "Angry White Dragon."
My friends make me share this story all the time, so might as well post it for the Bros.
It was my sophomore year of high school (about four years ago) and I barely knew sh*t about blow jobs, hand jobs, rimjobs, etc. and I only scraped the surface of sex, still only then have had sex ½ times (J*zzed my pants...). But none of that mattered, ‘cause I had just met the girl of my sex-dreams. She was a beautiful curvy/busty brunette -- short hair, nice C-cup breasts, a fat ass and a tight waist, with a little cute bellybutton ring. I fell in lust for this girl, and found myself surprised that she also had a thing for me, so I made whatever moves I had back then and asked her out. One thing led to another, and we were sexting, making out behind the bleachers, and even got my first handy at the movies. Things started getting hot pretty between us very fast and I needed a place to f*ck her. She had strict ass parents, and since I was a sophomore, I didn’t have a car yet, or [barely] any friends with cars, and no house to f*ck her – none of these factors helped. So what did we turn to? A classroom of course.
She decided to convince one of her teachers to let us stay after school to do a project, and the teacher agreed. We stayed in this classroom, and while hidden behind the computers she started reaching for my d**k. But I told her to hang on, at least until the teacher left. And finally when the teacher left about 15 minutes after, we finally got our thing on. I searched for a place to f*ck while trying to make out with her, and found a nice long table inside of a walk-in closet. I sat my happy ass on it, and that was when she asked if I wanted a blowjob, biting her lip. Sure, never have had one before, and how could I deny one anyway? So she starts going at it, starting nice & slow, and it was GREAT. I never bothered asking how many guys she’s been with, but I knew she’s had practice. Now at the time, I’d never been blown before, so I had no idea what I was supposed to do – do I let her know, or take it out, or just ask her what she wants me to do? Whatever it was, I had no time to ask nor did I give a sh*t. And right when she decided to deepthroat me, that’s when it happened – I came as hard as I could in the back of her mouth. She turned away and started coughing her brains out. And when she turned around, her mucus/boogers and my j*zz was flowing out of her nose and all over her upper lip and mouth, with a face so pissed she turned red.
She sprinted out of the closet, out of the room, and ran right into a janitor. She walked quickly into the bathroom, and that’s when I thought it was a perfect time to dip. As I was running out, the janitor yelled at me and said, “¡No sé lo que hiciste allí, pero es mejor que si no sé!” Which translates to, “I don’t know what you did in there, but it’s better if I don’t.” I kept running down the hall and waited frantically outside in the parking lot until my mom came and picked me up. I didn’t say sh*t in the car, but I laughed my ass off when I got home.
A couple of weeks later, I was browsing UrbanDictionary.com and found out that I had done a variation of something called an “Angry White Dragon”. I had accomplished something great that day – I defeated a dragon.
Absolutely love that.
So this story took place a couple years ago during/after my Company holiday party. I work in finance, so after the recession, the holiday party consisted of a nice lunch with unlimited beer and wine in the office and then a bunch of us going to a bar at about 4pm. Given that I work in finance, the quantity and quality of the girls I work with was limited; therefore, I was content with just getting sh*tcanned with some of my work buddies.
Anyway after the party we end up at some bar and a couple of the secretaries came too. I'm hammered and begin ripping some girly shots with the secretaries, one of which is 30 years old and happens to have massive jugs tells me she thinks I'm the second hottest guy in the office. I'm pretty hammered so I don't know what to make of it. Anyway, I leave her to go chill with some of my work Bros at another area of the bar.
Next thing I know, the office dork is trying to work game on this secretary; not wanting to be outdone by some nerd, I swoop back in and begin making out with the secretary, who we will name Lauren. Lauren tells me she has to pick up her 1-year-old daughter and asks if I want to come along. (Yes, she has a daughter out of wedlock, classy I know.) I say yes and we grab a cab to her house. We immediately start going at it in the cab and before I know it, she is unbuttoning my pants and giving me a blow job in the back of the cab. Before I could blow my load, the cab driver pulls over the cab and kicks us out. Luckily, we are able to find another cab quickly that is able to take us to where her car is parked so we can go pick up her daughter.
At this point I have insane blue balls, but she assures me it will be worth it. We pick up her daughter from her babysitter and she drunk drives us all back to her apartment. I figure we will put the kid to bed and get it on; but instead we have to drunkingly play with the kid for what seemed like an eternity. Finally the kid got tired and Lauren put her to bed. She came back to living room and immediately we started going at it. She got completely naked and confirmed that her huge breasts were 100% fake. She got back to blowing me and gave me one of the best bjs I've ever had. I busted all over her chest.
But it didn't end there, being a young buck at the time, I was able to recharge real fast and before I knew it we were going at it again. This time she decides we're going to f*ck and who was I to complain; she leads me to her bedroom, which is directly next to her daughter's room and hands me a condom from her drawer. We begin f*cking and this girl is just plain loud, her daughter probably thought I was killing her. Anyway, we were drunk and for some reason the condom didn't stay on my dick for long. She gets on top and rides me like it was the last dick she would ever ride. I end up finishing inside of her assuming she is on the pill. Of course, she is not. I freak out, this girl obviously is super fertile, given that she has an accident baby. So the story ends with her driving me and the baby to CVS the next morning so she could get the morning after pill; alas things were a bit awkward at the office between us on Monday morning.
Click below for today's last Hook Up Heroes story