nikki

Listen, I get “why” the idea of using Photoshop to make yourself/someone else look (presumably) better could be considered taboo.  It’s blatant lying. But hey, we lie about everything else, right?

Ladies, we know your face, boobs, height and hair don’t look the way they do on a Wednesday night as they do on a Friday night. And Bros, they know we don’t make as much money and have sex with as many women as we say we do. None of it matters. We all love the illusion, so get off of Photoshop’s nuts please.

Is it really all that bad that someone looks a little (italicized) better than they normally do? 

You have to take a good, hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask if Nicki Minaj’s shiny, retouched buttcheeks are genuinely having a negative impact on your day. Bros, whether you have an opinion on Nicki Minaj or not, it’s hard to deny that one set of cheeks look more like a glazed honey ham than the other.

nikki-anaconda nikki-google

Sometimes Photoshop does God’s work

dunham

Let’s get it out there front and center: Lena Dunham looks like a bag of milk. Trust me, I’ve seen her naked more times than I’ve wanted and can make an accurate assessment on this. It’s a matter of how you present that bag of milk. In the Photoshopped instance, you’d definitely try to have sex with it as soon as they announced last call and struggle to kick it out in the morning when it “wants to do brunch.”

Sometimes Photoshop does more than it is asked to do

Oh shit, she just went from a 10 to a…10.  Yeah, maybe they reached a little on J. Law, but I get what they were trying to do. Nitpicky? Perhaps. But no one wants to see that random, inexplicable bulge popping out of your dress, beloved.

Photoshops can be weird and don’t always make sense 

You can truly ruin a black man’s life if you tell him that his hairline looks like it was constructed with a paint can and a Nintendo 64 cartridge.

white-vick

Remember when ESPN thought the world needed a rendered image of a white version of Michael Vick? That was a great and uncomfortable day that set race relations back a decade for absolutely no reason.

Yes, I can see why there are issues of ethics and emotional sensitivity surrounding photoshopped and retouched photos.  They create a standard that a lot of people simply can’t attain. I get it. Hell, I’d photoshop most of my life if I had the chance simply because you can never have too many abs.

People just need to get off their high horses and accept photoshopped images as the real-life beer-goggles that they were intended to be.