This is 50 shades of fucked up.
We all know the classic “Turkey Dump” where you and your girl break up during Thanksgiving break after having been apart for several months during Fall semester, but what about the Christmas Shits? Just kidding, I made up “Christmas Shits,” but there’s gotta be the Christmas equivalent to the “Turkey Dump” out there. A “Yuletide Termination”? “Jingle Bell Breakup”? Or simply “Your Girlfriend Just Shit Coal Into Your Stocking”? Doesn’t matter and doesn’t matter, you get the picture.
Well fun fact for you: most girls can tell when they’re about to get dumped. Most guys aren’t subtle, so when you finally muster up the balls to break some poor girl’s heart 80% of the time they’re ready for it, which means when they start crying hysterically it’s just to make you feel like an uberdouche. Sometimes instead of taking the breakup like a champ though, we try to “fix” things; we start to act nicer, suck up to our boyfriends with gifts or even…yeah, probably put out more too just as a nice cherry on top.
Not every girl does that though. Some are fucking nuts and go out to buy positive pregnancy tests just so they can keep you on lock.
Yes, pregnant women are selling their positive pregnancy tests to other women who are trying to make sure their boyfriends don’t take a big ol’ Santa Shit on their hearts over the holidays. Sure this is fucked up, but you know what else this means? That your girlfriend is literally paying $20 for a stick slathered in pregnant lady pee.
Using these pregnant pee sticks to keep you stuck in your relationship can be seen as a form of blackmail, however.
Gary Mason, of Kansas force in the US, said: ‘For example, if a married man is having an affair and he tried to break it off with the girl, and she became upset and decided to present this fake pregnancy test and demand money, otherwise she would tell the spouse. That would be a level of blackmail.’
So if your girl strolls up to you on Christmas Eve with a positive pregnancy test and yells “SURPRISE!”, you might wanna have her take another test in front of you.
But that’s none of my business.
[H/T Metro, images via Craigslist and Shutterstock]