Scientists Have Unearthed The World’s First Murder, Proving Bros Were Dicks To Each Other Even 430,000 Years Ago

Shutterstock

I’m an unabashed fan of Bros, but there’s no denying we are dicks.

Bros are dicks. I’m a dick, you’re a dick, your friends are dicks. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Especially because it appears that being a dick to others is ingrained in our DNA.

Yup, scientists have uncovered what they believe to be the first incident of a dick move by a Bro, a murder 430,000 years in what is now Spain, right around the time Homo Erectus was evolving into Homo Sapien.

From The Independent:

A death 430,000 years ago may be the first confirmed murder in human history. Scientists using modern forensic techniques have determined the victim was probably killed by two blows to the head before being tossed down a cave system shaft.

Two holes close together above the left eye were caused by separate impacts from the same object. The injuries were not consistent with an accidental fall down the 43ft vertical shaft, the researchers from the Centre for the Evolution and Human Behaviour said.

Damn. Bashing someone in the back of the head twice then throwing their body down a cave?

That is a dick move, Bro.

Respect.