Life
by David Covucci on May 5, 2014

sad-face

Pour one out for pouring one out, as you shouldn’t have alcohol in your possession anymore, because it will in all likelihood kill you.

Medscape published an article last week with the title “No Amount of Alcohol Is Safe.” The only way it could be more ominous and depressing is if it was called “Your Mother Is Going to Die in Ten Minutes and There’s Nothing You Can Do.”

The gist of it is that your drinking will absolutely, positively give you cancer.

“Responsible drinking” has become a 21st-century mantra for how most people view alcohol consumption. But when it comes to cancer, no amount of alcohol is safe.

Well. Oh well, fuck it, looks like I’m getting cancer. Which one? All of them.

The more alcohol that a person drinks, the higher the risk. The alcohol/cancer link has been strengthened by the finding of a dose/response relationship between alcohol consumption and certain cancers. A causal relationship exists between alcohol consumption and cancers of the mouth, pharynx, larynx, esophagus, colon-rectum, liver, and female breast; a significant relationship also exists between alcohol consumption and pancreatic cancer. Links have also been made between alcohol consumption and leukemia; multiple myeloma; and cancers of the cervix, vulva, vagina, and skin.

I wasn’t kidding. That’s every kind of cancer you could ever not want.

But, you are saying, I only drink a little. That’s not a big deal, is it? You are correct, in that it’s not a big deal, because you too will get cancer and die but the mysteries of life will continue to entrance the world.

In a meta-analysis of 222 studies comprising 92,000 light drinkers and 60,000 nondrinkers with cancer, light drinking was associated with risk for oropharyngeal cancer, esophageal squamous cell carcinoma, and female breast cancer.

Also, whiskey fans, hard liquor causes even more cancer!

The type of alcohol — wine, beer, spirits — doesn’t usually matter, except in the case of cancer of the esophagus. The esophagus is covered with very fine cilia that are easily destroyed by high concentrations of ethanol, such as found in hard liquor.

Feel free to get more depressed about your ever shrinking life span here.

[Image via me]

David Covucci

About David Covucci...

David Covucci is writerer-bloggerer for BroBible dot com. He loves Twitter and whiskey. He can be reached at david.covucci@brobible.com.