April Fools! Sage Steele Put Toothpaste In Her Kids’ Oreos, And I’m Calling Child Protective Services

Listen, I’m all about a good April Fools prank. I once had my high school girlfriend call up my mom and tell her she was pregnant. Mom started crying and hyperventilating and it was hilarious. Nothing like a good light-hearted pregnancy scare.

But this, this is crossing the line. This is how school shootings happen. When I bite into an Oreo, I expect to enjoy a sweet cream filling sandwiched between two delicious chocolate wafers. 365 days a year. I’m sure Sage’s children had the same expectation. Oh did I say Sage’s children? I apologize, because now they’re property of the State.

[Via Twitter]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.