It doesn’t matter if you love your roommate so much you act like conjoined twins, or if you despise them as much as the guy who hangs around the water cooler at work with the clip-on tie and always asks you to join his fantasy league, it’s always nice when your roommate leaves. I don’t mean leave-leave, but “weekend getaway to visit the family” leave. It would be super lonely to live alone, but it’s great to get a taste of having no boundaries within your small apartment. You get to be the king of your abode. This is what happens when your roommate leaves, guaranteed.
1. Clothes aren’t just optional, they’re nonexistent.
When your roommate is gone, you will do everything naked. You’ll sleep naked, watch TV naked, cook naked, nearly step out of the apartment naked before realizing you can’t do that and also accidentally flash passerbys because you forgot to shut the curtains.
2. No closed door.
There’s nothing more freeing than having no fear that no one is going to walk in or glance over while you are using the bathroom.
3. Nothing is too loud.
Can’t sleep? Rock out to your favorite tunes on blast. Couldn’t do that with your roommate sleeping in the next room could you? Turn your Netflix up loud, don’t modulate your voice. You can be loud and obnoxious.
4. Sing in the shower really loudly and badly.
Who said you weren’t the next country star? Do the loudest and best Florida Georgia Line you can. You might even jump and dance along. The door will be open and it will be freeing.
5. Starting off every day recreating the “Risky Business” underwear scene.
It’s obligatory whether you like it or not. Strangely enough, this will probably be the one time you wear clothing in your home this weekend.
6. Bring over as many Tinder dates as you want.
You’ve got 50 matches. You message all of them. Five respond. One agrees. You are living the crazy bachelor life.
7. Go out to a bar and flirt away.
You will be able to bring them back to your place and nothing can go wrong.
8. Lie badly to get the girl to leave in the morning.
This is my weekend alone with my apartment. I’m not going to spend it with anyone, especially you, girl from the bar.
9. Watch all the embarrassing Netflix shows you can.
Yes, you would get rightfully mocked for binge watching Extreme Couponing, but not for this weekend.
10. Put off the chores.
We all know you plan to put them off until the hour before your roommate is expected to arrive.
11. Attempt to cook.
You haven’t tried to make a good meal yet, but it can’t be that hard, can it? Your roommate will come back super impressed.
12. Order copious amounts of Seamless instead.
Cooking didn’t go so well, but at least no one was there to make fun of you.
13. Play with the childhood memorabilia you couldn’t part with.
You are still a kid at heart, but you want to keep it a secret.
14. Six pack for one?
Or even more. No one will judge you for drinking alone on a Wednesday to a Rocky marathon.
15. Have incredibly irregular sleep patterns.
Most of the time you will fall asleep on the couch at random hours while Hulu plays on a loop. No one will be there to provide appropriate judgment, but you will wake up in shame.
16. Scour the fridge for food he left behind.
Just tell him the milk was going to expire and you didn’t want to see it go to waste.
17. Something will break in the apartment that you don’t know how to fix.
You shouldn’t put it off until your roommate comes home, but you probably will anyway.
18. All of his plants will be dead, and he will get mad about it.
“I’m sorry, but why did you want to grow a plant in our small apartment? I’m glad it’s dead.” Don’t verbalize this thought, just try and be happy he’s back.
19. Prepare for a lot of conversations with yourself.
Thank God no one is there to judge you.
20. Pretty soon, you will hear a voice back.
This is a sign you need to get out of the apartment and go to a bar.
21. There will be a point where you will watch Field of Dreams and bawl like a child.
It’s best to cry alone. If no one saw you do it did it really happen?
22. You’re gonna text him all day about when he is gonna be home.
You have to know when he’s gonna be home and how much longer you have to deal with this empty apartment.
23. Last minute chores.
Prepare to regret letting all the chores pile up.
24. Playing down your excitement upon your roommate’s arrival.
Someone to talk to! Keep your cool, though. Play cool.
25. Excessive lying.
You are not going to tell your roommate about the 24 previous things that happened in the apartment.
After one weekend, you’ll realize the joy in life is sharing it with a fellow Bro. It’s good to have a break, but it’s even better to see them come home…just remember to put clothes on once he comes back.
[Image via Shutterstock]
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