Some people would get scared if they went on stage and performed in front of a large audience. They may even say in jest, “I’d shit myself if I had to go onstage.” Well Machine Head frontman Robb Flynn is shitting himself onstage, but it has nothing to do with being nervous.
The heavy metal band is currently touring in South America and it seems as though Mr. Flynn did not heed the age-old warning to not drink the water in Mexico, and now he is suffering the wrath of Montezuma’s revenge. Flynn is now butt pissing all over the place. The explosive diarrhea may have darkened his tighty whities, but it will not darken his spirit. The rock star refuses to give in to the ass gravy and continues to perform. By wearing adult diapers.
He explained his debilitating situation in a heartfelt and probably unnecessarily detailed message on his Instagram:
Since the last picture of me wearing a men’s adult diaper nearly broke the Internet and started a fashion craze around the world, it is with great regret that I must say, it is time to temporarily retire THE MENS DIAPER. Yes, as sad as it may be, after 5 days of non-stop-assquaking that saw me exploding greenish-brown liquid out of my anal cavity with the same pressure as a-thumb-over-a-garden-hose, and resulted in not one, but THREE diarrhea’s into a bucket onstage in Bogata during the show, well, thanks to some amazingly strong Carbon Pills it’s finally slowed down my “green apple splatters” to the consistency of “Campbell’s Chunky Soup”. And while my watery-poop-like-friend may be almost gone, it’s given my a delightful reminder of it’s presence in the shape of a marble-sized hemorrhoid on my left anus-flap that now has a large cut on it and that feels like fire shooting up my ass every time I take a “semi-solid-butt-piss”… Fuck you very much Moctezuma!
A week before this seemingly cursed tour, Flynn had to have emergency surgery to remove his gallbladder. Gallbladder or no gallbladder, he was out there rocking the crowds days later.
Do you think Taylor Swift would go onstage and perform “Shake It Off” for a screaming audience if she had the green apple spatters? Fuck no. That’s because she’s not a rock warrior like Robb fucking Flynn.
Thanks to @BlueHeelerKY for the heads up!