The recent spate of zombie-inspired attacks across our great country has been both alarming and fascinating. It’s a disturbing trend. All trends have to come to an end. So what will replace these flesh-eating incidents?
Well, it just may be leprechaun attacks.
A “bunch of leprechauns” beat up a man in Belltown on Saturday, the bruised and bloodied victim told police.
Police say they received reports about the fight around 1:55 a.m. on Bell Street near the Alaskan Way Viaduct, but when they arrived they saw numerous people running from the scene.
Police then saw a man on the ground, who was covered in blood and holding his head and screaming in pain.
When police asked the man who was involved in the fight he said, “It was a bunch of leprechauns,” that were mad because he was dancing with a girl, according to police.
Makes sense. Leprechauns are notoriously anti-dancing. They’re like Baptists in that regard.
Shockingly, police were unable to locate a roaming band of leprechauns. And they probably exhausted all leads, like looking at the end of each and every rainbow.