Last night, Reddit was struck like a meteroite on the Russian countryside by, perhaps, the funniest thread in site history. A user asked this simple, yet brilliant question: "What's the craziest thing you ever saw or did at a party?" Over 10,000 people responded. SURVEY SAYS:
I bought a Chewbacca mask earlier in the day (the okay one that is movie quality), took it home and went out for a pint with the guys. They all retired super early and I was pretty disappointed as it was Friday evening and I was in ultra party mode.
I couldn't find much else to do that night, so I just went home figuring I'd liquor myself up and chooch my way into unconsciousness.
I have a few drinks at home, wander into my room and the most brilliant purchase of my life is leering into the depths of my infantile soul, saying "I want to be on top of you"
I toss on what later would become my alter ego, and begin my journey around the block accompanied by a cigarette, as I do.
So I'm practicing my beastly wails when all of a sudden, unbeknownst to me prior, there's a party happening just down the block.
ULTRA MEGA CHEWBACCA PARTY MODE ENGAGE.
It was only about 1am but EVERYONE was plastered. I roll up and got the red fucking carpet "AYYYYYY CHEWBACCAAAAA" (yeah, the fonz was there).
The only thing that came out of my mouth that night were primal screams rolling out of the back of my throat and they FUCKING LOVED IT. I was instantly the life of the party. At one point some guy tried to take the mask off my head and I swatted his arm away. From there on, anytime someone tried to make a grab, I had a posse of fanboys quick to snatch them.
Half of them were on the jazz cigarettes and started getting into these absolutely retarded philosophies about the socio-economics of different races in Star Wars, then would ask me my opinion and I would only respond in tongues. Those guys nearly went into boisterous guffaw induced comas.
At one point they had me doing keg stands and bong hits. I really wish I could have been at an outside perspective watching all this.
Things start getting hazy, but thankfully for me, the more fucked up I am, the louder I get. At one point I jumped on a table, ripped my shirt off (still pissed about that, I can't find that shirt anywhere), poured a beer over my head and let out a furocious roar. I'm a pretty hairy homie, so they ate it up
I really have NO fucking clue how in gods name this actually came about. I don't remember any of the content that came out of this girls mouth, but apparently she wanted me in there.
She leads me to a room upstairs. Pants are still soaked from booze. Like a true tribal thespian, I'm still payin' homage to my furry compadre. This girl pulls my pants down and starts giving me a blowjob and the force is strong with this one.
Tells me to finish on her face. Proceed to do so.
Immediately thereafter leave the party, go home and pass out in my underwear. I'm still wearing the mask, in the middle of the livingroom.
Roommates wake me up and ask what the fuck happened. I told them they suck at partying, that's what.
So turns out this girl was actually seeing one of my coworkers who I'm decent buddies with. I had no idea, I'd never met her before. Shes actually been over to my house with my buddy a couple times since. She still has no idea
I'm still debating whether or not I should leave the Chewie mask out for her one day.
This man writes like an 18th-century British pirate. I want to be friends with him immediately.
I saw a guy attempt to snort a shot of tequila. His face turned tomato red and tears were streaming down his face while he was suffocating. I seriously thought he was going to die.
[Insert "OH, THAT'S NOTHING. DURING PLEDGING...." comment here.]
A high school party I was at was busted by the overly aggressive local police force. Needless to say, half the party bolted out the back door and over the fence in the back. Little did we know, more police officers were waiting on the next street over and began chasing people. One kid screamed at the top of his lungs "I'M THE HIDE AND SEEK MASTER!" and then dove head first into a leaf pile...kid stayed there for a good two hours and watched a lot of his friends get caught
Tip! If you're also going to hide from the cops, the only way it will work is if also yell some sort of catchphrase. The only way.
"So one of my friends is in a frat. They were having a party, and some guy was dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow. Awesome, I know. Anyways, the cops show up, and the party is on the third floor. Capt. Sparrow looks at them when they come in, throws open the window and yells, 'Gentlemen, you will forever remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow.' And jumped out the window.
Broke both legs, still got his Minor In Possesion."
Probably entirely fictional, but I want it to be true so badly. Kind of like Hook-Up Heroes.
Back in high school my buddy was having a party at his house, that his family had not moved in yet, but were planning on moving in the next day. Everyone got wasted, two dudes start wrestling in the living room. One of the guys smashes the other dudes head through the wall... The entire room of 30 people went silent. I yell out, "who here can drive??", cause i sure as hell couldn't at that time.. some girl drove me to my parents house, we were in the process of renovating a room at that time. I busted in at 2 AM walked to the room, cut a massive piece of dry wall out of the wall, grabbed some screws and a drill, parents asked wtf I was doing, told them nothing and ran out with the supplies, drove back to the party where everyone is trying to figure out what to do. patched the hole with my parents dry wall, textured and painted the patch, looked alright.. the next day his parents are none the wiser, that patch is still there to this day, 5 years later.
Also the next day when i returned home, my parents were still confused as to why i cut a massive piece of dry wall out of our wall at 2 AM. Told them the story, we laughed it off. The good news was that wall was coming down anyway, was glad i cut the correct wall, because i sort of remember playing a little guessing game that night as to which wall was the correct wall.
Bro of the week?