Life
by Reggie Noble on August 21, 2013

Today, we begin the first of what promises to be a long-running series in which we arbitrarily rank a name. It promises to be a fun and completely inconsequential endeavor.

The Name: Billings Learned Hand

Who Am I: I’m Learned Fucking Hand, that’s who I am. I was a United States judge and helped shape laws in ways you couldn’t even imagine. My thoughts have been quoted by more judges in the past 100 years than I can count. I’m from the time when men were men, I’ll tell you that much. I’m legally considered a badass.

Why Is This My Name: My family used surnames as first times. We were so progressive. We lived in Upstate New York and not in Brooklyn, which is a real shocker.

What Else Should You Know About Me: I didn’t believe in God, and I am dead. Guess what? There’s no hell. Choke on that, suckers.

BroBible Rates This Name: 9/10. You don’t get to be the first Rate My Name subject if your name is Erik Williams or William Erikson or anything like that. This name has a rugged masculinity – like your eyebrows – that is hard to ignore.

Should You Name Your Children This Name: No, unless you really want to encourage masturbation.