Life
by Brandon Cohen on July 10, 2014

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There are some situations that you prepare for your entire life, but until you’re actually in the moment, you don’t really know how you’ll react. Ugandan policeman, Charles Onegiu, had to face one of these critical moments earlier this week, when he was forced to take on an aggressive tortoise.

Onegiu was relaxing at home after a hard day of work, when the devil (tortoise) came a-knocking. He tried to scare it, chase it, hit it with a stick, and he even threatened it with the plastic chair, but no matter what he did to scare the hard-shelled beast away, the tortoise refused to leave. It’s almost as if the tortoise couldn’t leave… because it’s a tortoise and it takes like an hour for it to turn around.

At that point, Officer Onegiu knew what he had to do, and remembering his tortoise training, he “instinctively” pulled his firearm and blew this faux-dinosaur away. Bravery is not something you plan for, it’s something you’re born with.

While Onegiu was a hero in the moment, the ordeal shook him to his core, leaving him “traumatized and stressed.” “As I talk now, I am still scared because it is the first time I have seen such an incident happen in my life or heard of one,” Onegiu explained to a newspaper, presumably rocking back and forth naked in a bathtub, scrubbing himself feverishly.

Let this be a lesson to all you tortoises (tortii?) out there… you come at the king, you best not miss.

[H/T Independent]

 

Brandon Cohen

About Brandon Cohen...

Brandon Cohen was raised by Jew gypsies on the sleepy island of Manhattan, and went on to defy the odds by graduating from a four-year accredited university in Nashville, TN. He's a writer and aspiring street fight videographer. Back in 2008, Brandon talked to Amanda Bynes at a club in LA for over fifteen minutes.