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Man Writes Epic Poem About His Miniscule Penis

By / 09.04.14
small penis

iStockphoto


Ant Smith is a 47-year-old engineering manager from London and he’s got a small penis.

He’ll tell anybody who asks, and people seem to be asking often these days, especially because Smith is trying to start a Small Penis Acceptance Movement. Smith’s willy, as he calls it, was the topic of conversation in this Vice piece about his crusade to get everyone to accept their own junk.

“For most of my life I’ve been subconsciously very shy about it,” the penis crusader told Vice. “Now, I really love my dick. It’s like if I can’t be hung like a horse I’d rather be a bit special for being kinda small than average. Who wants to be average?”

Smith is so comfortable with his little willy — which measures around an inch when flaccid and four inches at max potential — he wrote a poem about it. The poem is worth a read, especially if you’re a man sporting a slightly less than average dong.

I have a tiny cock
Like a crooked little finger
Everybody else’s dick
Is inevitably bigger

If six inch as an average
Can truly be believed
Someone here in this room
Is twice the size of me

If you can do your algebra
Already you will know
Four inches is the maximum
My dick will ever go

My pubes are even longer
They make a comfy nest
With a little acorn sat
Upon the very crest

Searching frantically
I recover just the head
Get a little piss drip
Up on my finger tip
There’s absolutely nothing there
For me to get a grip

He’s got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he’s got the balls, to admit to it!

I wank it with one finger
If you really want to know
And no, I can’t imagine
The feeling of deep throat

Sometimes it is inverted
Even when it isn’t cold
Like a little turtle
Inside of me it goes
Girls they like to tell me
It’ such a cute surprise
Until I have to tell them
I left the condom stuck inside

I’m hung like Mickey Mouse
I’m glad now to admit
For the greater pain exists
In propagating myths
According to the internet
Real men have massive dicks

So if you’re sat with five or six, then
Feel the relief
You no longer have to hide it
In shame and misery

I’m the living proof you’ve got
Way more than you need
For even with four inches
My girl’s in love with me

He’s got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he’s got the balls, to admit to it!
Yes!
He’s got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he’s got the balls, to admit to it!

Imagine that piece being read at an open mic night. He might have a small dork but he’s got big fucking balls.

H/T Vice


TAGSpoemsSex
Chris Illuminati
About Chris Illuminati... Here is more than you'll ever really want to know about me -- These are the books I've written, these are the places I've done or will do stand-up, these are the articles I've written, this is the blog I do about my inadequacies as a father and this is how you can get in touch with me.

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