Life
by Reggie Noble on August 31, 2012

Robert Wheeler, 48, was busted last week following the confrontation outside his Vero Beach (FLORIDA!) home. The 346-pound Wheeler was arrested by Indian River County Sheriff’s Office deputies for misdemeanor battery.

The deliveryman, Jonathon Feigen, told investigators that Wheeler struck him below the left eye after he rolled down the window of his vehicle. Feigen, 19, added that, “Wheeler punched him because he forgot the garlic knots.”

Wheeler, of course, has a great reason for his violence.

When questioned by deputies, Wheeler admitted punching Feigen, but claimed that “the issue was not over forgetting the missing garlic knots with the pizza,” but rather that the pizza place owes him money.

The unemployed Wheeler was booked into the county jail, and later released after posting $500 bond. Sheriff’s records indicate that Wheeler’s tattoo inventory includes ink of a bunny, a reptile, and a skeleton. He also has the word “Fat” on his left arm, and the word “Boy” on his right arm.

Come on, America. Be nice to the pizza boys. They facilitate our fatness. What a noble calling.

[The Smoking Gun]