by David Covucci on December 26, 2013

Me, I lived exclusively with the understanding that piranhas were from Brazil. And only Brazil. They chilled in the Amazon and that was that. But no. They are also in Argentina, trying to kill everyone. From Yahoo News

The region [Rosario] has been hit by a heat wave with temperatures soaring to some 38 degrees Celsius (more than 100 degrees Fahrenheit) prompting thousands to seek relief in the waters of the Parana River, which is packed with carnivorous fish.

Call me crazy, but if a river is known to be “packed with carnivorous fish” (Candy Apple Island? What's there?) wouldn't you, I don't know, cool off somewhere else? Perhaps under a tree with a refreshing Sprite where the odds of being eaten by death fish are significantly lower? Maybe. But apparently, it was because of the heat that the fish were close to the surface where people were splish-splashing away. 

A medical official, Gustavo Centurion, said the attack which began at mid-morning on Christmas Day was “very aggressive… There were some people that the fish literally had torn bits of flesh from.”

Fuck, man. 

[Piranhas via Shutterstock]

David Covucci

About David Covucci...

David Covucci is writerer-bloggerer for BroBible dot com. He loves Twitter and whiskey. He can be reached at

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