For a bro, the coolest thing that could ever happen to you is a super hot, sweet girl going completely Jenna Jameson and sending nudes within the first week of you two talking. The thing is, girls aren’t really on the same page with that. I think it’s a fact that if a guy went Ron Jeremy on anyone in the first week he’d probably be arrested. Unless we really like you, there’s no urge to see what you’re hiding under those super bright, salmon colored shorts you’ve got on. So please, don’t ruin a perfectly good opportunity by sending a God-awful surprise dick pic. And since I’m such a nice lady here’s some suggestions of what you should actually be sending instead. Oh, and feel free to keep these in mind for Snapchat and Tinder (and by “keep these in mind” I mean “do these”):
1. The Animal Lover Pic
George Clooney approves this message. Sending a picture of you with your furry best friend is one of the smoothest moves you can pull off. There’s actually a book that Urban Outfitters sells called Hot Guys and Baby Animals because of how much chicks dig this. There’s just something about seeing you with your pet that drives girls wild. Not ONLY do you get to humbly brag about your biceps, but we get to look at a cute piglet too?! I’m going to need CPR because my heart can’t handle how hot he is.
2. You With a Baby
I don’t care where you find the baby, whose baby it is, or if you ever see it again after the picture is taken. Having a baby in your picture literally sets off some kind of weird science-y instinctual thing in every girl’s mind that says you one day could be a good Dad. You’re not a caveman, we’ve got science for a reason bro. Why not use it to get chicks to totally be into you? It’ll definitely have girls thinking “Let’s get started on some baby making right now!”
3. You Doing Something That’s Your Passion
Again, details here don’t matter. Do you like to play baseball? Perfect! Baseball pants are super hot, so snap a pic of you on the diamond. Do you like to paint? That’s cool too. Send a photo of you and your work in progress. Maybe you can paint a portrait of your girl sometime, Titanic style. The thing is, you having a passion is a big turn on to girls. It shows you have depth, and nothing is hotter than depth. I mean look at Jason Mraz up there, what’s he even playing? Is it a super small guitar? A super large Ukulele? Who knows! The only thing I know is he looks damn good playing it.
4. Literally Anything Else
Sending her a funny pic or one that’s not a straight-up hot selfie shows that you don’t take yourself too seriously. Nothing is more attractive than a guy who’s confident in sending the funny Snapchats.
The thing is, unless a girl asks for a dick pic, she’s probably not looking for one. You’ve gotta to keep perspective in mind. Just because you love staring and playing with your dick for hours doesn’t mean she’s going to want to.