Life
by Fitz E Fresh on April 10, 2013

Q: Quick question for you, oh wise Babe:

When a bro notices a hottie in one of his classes that he'd like to get to know is it better to approach her when she's alone, or would talking to her and asking for her number in front of her friends show her enough confidence to secure said number? Again this is in a college classroom setting.

A: Alright, college boy; here are a couple of do's and don'ts relevant to your circumstances.

Do: be confident enough to chat with her in front of her friends. Talk to them too, and be sure to be fucking charming about it. Show that you're interested without being over the top.

Don't: do what you were considering, which was asking for her number in front of her friends. In doing so, you'll prevent a couple of uncomfortable situations. Firstly if she decides you're not worthy of her digits, having an audience there to witness, recall and laugh at the situation after the fact will be pretty unpleasant. I mean it's just not good for business. Secondly, you don't want to risk embarrassing her. I don't feel like you've really tried imagining the situation in your head but when you picture 3-6 girls standing around watching as you exchange contact information with only one of them, it could get a little weird. Capitalize on whatever hallway privacy is at your disposal and ask her in quasi-private. And don't worry about missing an audience; all of her girlfriends will know within the hour.

Q: A couple of my close girl friends that I have known since middle school always tell me I am the perfect guy, like smart, funny, athletic, etc. And it always happens that the longer I get to know girls the more they start to like me, but I can never immediately connect with a girl or have them want to hang out before it is too late and I already moved on. What am I doing wrong?

A: Having numerous girls like you (even if it is “eventually”) is not a problem that needs to be solved. It sounds to me like the problem is that you're moving on too quickly; that's what you're doing wrong. Give it time, young breau. Have patience. If you're that concerned about the immediate connection, take a look at your most prominent traits- Are you a close-talker? Do you have an annoying laugh, lisp, or snaggle tooth? Do you sweat profusely, or come off as gay initially. Do a little self-analysis and if nothing revolutionary comes of your soul-searching, return to square one. Which is to say, patience.

Q: Top 5 best approaches from guys you ever had?

A: Good question. And for that I'll also provide my responses. Those being of course, the ones I said in my head after responding something totally different.

1. “Holy shit honey, when are we gonna get married?!?” – a construction worker

“Do I know you?” – me

2. “Can I get your signature…and your phone number.” -deli cashier

“Sure, here's my (sister's) number.

3. Guy who bought my breakfast in a McDonald's drive-thru line; in North Carolina, from a different car, at 7:30 am.

“Did a serial killer just buy my breakfast sandwich? Whatever. ” -me

4. “Girl I have to tell you; you got some serious swagger and I like it.” -young black man behind the counter at Duane Reade. Seriously. This was a pretty serious score for me.

“Yeah boi lemme holla.” -me

5. “So, what kind of beer is that?” -random guy at bar.

As you can see I've been hit on by some pretty classy gents. And as you should hope, these were not my “best” approaches in terms of being effective, but they were definitely really fucking entertaining.

Q: So as everybody knows, the first thing a guy recognizes when he sees a girl is whether or not she's wearing a bra. My question for you is do girls notice when a guy has a boner?

A: If you're raging at a 90 degree angle then yes; your trouser tent will probably not go unnoticed. If a girl is grabbing it, also yes. But if you just got a little excited when that chicks thong pops out of her pants or , we're probably not going to notice.

It's interesting that you bring up the boob point because that's a fact that I actually learned for the first time very recently, when my own were the topic of conversation. One of my guy friends drew the line on one of my “sheer” t-shirts, and told me that every time i walked outside without a bra dudes were picturing exactly what I looked like naked. News to me.

Anyways don't go on a Viagra bender or start wearing mesh shorts without boxers, but don't worry about a little unplanned swelling. Don't sweat the small stuff. Yeah, I'm talking about your dick.

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[College classroom image via ShutterStock]