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Philly Police Finally Capture Infamous ‘Swiss Cheese Masturbator’

By / 01.16.14

Everyone in “The City of Brotherly Love” will sleep a little easier tonight — the Swiss Cheese masturbator is behind bars. Officers from Philadelphia's Special Victims Unit reportedly arrested Chris Pagano on Thursday morning and charged him with indecent exposure, stalking, harassment and violating an innocent hunk of Swiss.

Honestly, if ever a guy looked like a cheese banger, it’s that guy.

[Via Gawker]


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About Chris Illuminati... Here is more than you'll ever really want to know about me -- These are the books I've written, these are the places I've done or will do stand-up, these are the articles I've written, this is the blog I do about my inadequacies as a father and this is how you can get in touch with me.

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