Yet, somehow, this video titled ‘how to make the best homemade sex toy EVER’, which without sound racked up 1.5 million views, evaded me.
And man. I wish it hadn’t. Because I’d fuck that thing. At least once. Now, it would feel real creepy if I hadn’t gotten a lot of tang in awhile and put in the effort to do this because I missed the feel of a woman. Like real weird. But if I was having regular sex, I could see experimenting with this for funsies on a bored Friday afternoon (I work Sunday to Thursday).
How’s it work? Well, let’s walk you through building one.
Fold up a couple tub socks and stick a latex glove in between the two of them. Like so.
Wrap a sock around the whole thing, then pull back the glove’s opening to hold the contraption in place. Add a rubber band or two or three for some, you know, TAIUGHTNESS.
That is one fuckable non-pussy. Yea. Yea. But, why waste time holding it in your hand and pulling it up and down your dick? Why not stick it in a fake ass? For that, you’ll need the blankets and belts.
Take a blanket and something soft and fluffy, like a mattress pad.
Roll that shit up like it’s a blunt or a burrito or your dignity. Look like legs?
Yea, dawg. Legs. But those aren’t gonna be legs. They are gonna be ass cheeks. Fold it in half and cinch it up.
Where does the pussy go? Here. It goes here.
And then, fuck until your heart is contented and vas deferens drained. Life, my friend, is yours.
If these instructions weren’t thorough enough, though, watch the video. The lack of sound really help make you feel like a pervert.
I want more like this!
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