Relationships are a drag, man. You have to actually, like, care about someone more than yourself. Don’t get me wrong–there is some merit in that, but there’s also some merit in laying on your couch with your hands down your pants scrolling through Tinder until you get arthritis. Oh there isn’t merit in that? Fuck off, no one asked you.
As a 28-year-old man whose seen the majority of his friends dive head first into fulfilling, loving relationships, I’m constantly reevaluating whether or not I’m willing to settle down and do shit like apple picking and pretending not to be bored as fuck in museums or just continue being a perpetual bachelor–leaving my room an absolute mess and letting my pubes grow out to a length suitable to donate to Locks of Love. Both scenarios are pathetic in their own right, and who’s to say one is sadder than the other?
Regardless, it’s good to see that I’m not the only one who struggles with this dilemma, as people are hitting Twitter to express the reasons they’ll be #SingleForever.
Check out some of the best below:
Pretty much.
This is my fridge. #singleforever pic.twitter.com/aIjzn7uR6c
— Missy Baker (@TheMissyBaker) November 9, 2015
“”How many thirsty Tinder dudes offered this chick some sausage? If you’re guessing 100, I’ll take the over
Spent all day eating in bed, while talking to dudes on tinder about how I was eating in bed all day. #singleforever — ewica, duh. (@ericalayser) November 2, 2015
Pulse? Check. Ok, good enough.“”
My buddies are always looking for a First round pick. I’m just sitting here waiting for a pick in any round #singleforever
— C Sweezy!! (@C_Sweezy_) November 1, 2015
“”This is just a kind gesture.
I provide my lovers with a new toothbrush when they sleep over. The phrase “remember your color” might keep me #singleforever. — Kerryn Feehan (@KFreehams) November 10, 2015
Not the worst idea I’ve ever heard. Just kidding, ya it is.””
Instead of tinder, I walk up to women in bathroom lines and ask “car trouble?” while trying to pass my weeping off as winking #SingleForever
— Brett Osinoff (@BrettOsinoff) November 10, 2015
“”YOU AND I BOTH, PAL AMIRIGHT *FIST BUMP* Ew, probably shouldn’t touch that hand.
@someecards I’m just too darn good at masturbating! #SingleForever — Matt Nedostup (@nedostup) November 9, 2015
Give us a little more credit than that. Ok, that’s pretty much spot on.“”
Dudes often prefer a Maggie, who sucks all day and doesn’t speak #SingleForever pic.twitter.com/MqNu50RUfZ
— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) November 10, 2015
“”Bruh.
I said I wouldn’t screenshot Tinder again after the last catastrophe, but I had to.😨😝😨😝 #TinderFail #SingleForever pic.twitter.com/EuBokvy1o4 — Kat (@kathrynpeterson) November 9, 2015
I thought I’d weigh in on the matter as well. I truly believe the below statement.“”
Love died when Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne broke up. Any other reason to stay #SingleForever is just secondary.
— Matt (@theKingKeohan) November 11, 2015
“”*Panties drop*
I own a flip phone. #SingleForever pic.twitter.com/jMcQWiTejF — Matt (@theKingKeohan) November 11, 2015
So there they are boys. I’d like to see what you bros think will be the reason you’ll be single forever. Leave them in the comments below or use them on Twitters under the hashtag #SingleForever
P.S. Somewhat related, but fucking hilarious.
[h/t Some E-Cards]