I've always imagined what kind of person takes the time to say "first" in a comment thread on the Internet. Where the f*ck is the joy or fulfillment in that? I mean, you haven't said anything clever or otherwise worthwhile, so why the need to mention that you were first? Were you always picked last for sports? Or is only time in your life that you've ever come first in the bedroom? The thing is, plenty of normal people probably came and went before you, without having felt the need to mention it. I can't, for the life of me, grasp it. But then again, I'm a simpleton compared to a troll. They use their free time to annoy other readers, I use mine to fondle myself. I guess I'm selfish in that way. Anyway, today, Patton Oswalt is back to talk about how trolls used to roll before the Internet was a thing. Troll on, Trolls.