We’ve all seen Shirtless Guy at a party. Hell, some of us have been Shirtless Guy at a party. After reviewing dozens of rage videos our dear readers have sent in over the past year, one can only conclude that sweaty and topless dudes are as ubiquitous on college campuses as red Solo cups.
But should they be? Is it ever OK to take your shirt off while getting your drink on?
Reggie Noble: Absolutely not. Unless, of course, you are Rob Gronkowski. That dude has a license to do whatever the fuck he wants to do.
Let’s be clear. Popping your top off at an outside party or pool soiree is perfectly acceptable. As the old saying goes: Sun’s out, guns out. Inside, however, is another story.
Call me old school, but you wear a shirt inside. It’s common courtesy. Don’t be an asshole.
My aversion to shirtless party Bros does not come from a place of jealousy. I keep it tight. My wiry frame is not the most impressive, but certainly nothing shame-worthy. No, the reason dudes should keep their shirts on is because, more often than not, they are also sweaty.
Ever have the unfortunate privilege of having one of these jerks press up against you? It’s not pleasant.
Yes, being that guy will set you apart from the rest of partygoers. It is not, however, good peacocking. Sustaining a prolonged conversation with a girl while you’re shirtless is a very difficult task. You immediately appear to be trying 28 times too hard.
Outside of a theme party or a spilling some sort of caustic acid on your shirt (chemistry majors, maybe), I can’t think of a good reason to disrobe. That’s caveman shit. Maybe J.Camm thinks differently. He's swole as hell.
I say: Evolve, goddammit.
J.Camm: Funny that Reggie mentioned that I'm "Swole as hell," because I have been known to shout those exact words as I unsheathe my body mid-party in an effort to make the ladies drip. "I'M SWOLE AS HELL. (shirt hits the floor) WHICH ONE OF YOU SLUTS WANTS TO GET FINGERED!?! (vaginal secretions join the shirt on the floor)"
Actually, no, I've never taken off my shirt (pool and Hawaiian parties notwithstanding) and I've certainly never yelled "I'm swole as hell," but loudly inquiring as to which lady would like to get finger banged has yielded mixed results. So you should all obviously give that a whirl.
Despite being a charter member of the Team USA National Physique Committee, I also agree that the only time you should be found shirtless at a party or a bar is if a pool or other outdoorsy theme is involved. Otherwise, you're a douchebag, right? It has to make you a douchebag, because why on earth would you take your shirt off for no other reason than to show off how obsessed you are with yourself?
I say: Live and let live. But if you must be THAT SHIRTLESS GUY own the douchebaggery that comes with it and don't say, "I took it off because I was hot" when a chick inevitably asks you the question "why the fuck aren't you wearing a shirt?" Just be like, "Because I'm swole as hell, baby. Now let me finger your stink hole."