If you don’t know what No Shave November is by now, then you must have been living under a rock, or in Siberia, where beard growing starts once a child comes out of the womb, for the last decade or more.
Anyways, I’m going to assume everyone knows that November is the Hallmark month for men who are too lazy to groom themselves or too indifferent to even care about buying a razor.
Regardless of your reason, every bro should take part in this movement because its an opportunity for men everywhere to do what chicks do every day of the year — flaunt their God given assets (more on this later).
Although the full beard won’t come in until around the November 14-mark, and you may end up scratching a lot and looking straight up ridiculous for two weeks, the end product is always worth the adventure and there will be plenty of classic moments during the thickening process that will heavily outweigh any negative obstacles that you face early on.
By the end of the month, you will be celebrating your accomplishment — it’s a big one, no doubt — and taking photos with all your male buddies who are hopefully equally as hairy as you are at this point.
The brotherly comrade is only one of the reasons to start growing out that beard, here are 10 more:
It’s for a good cause
Oh wait, that’s Movember. I forgot because, you know, it’s absolutely necessary and completely manly to have two separate categories for not shaving your mustache and not shaving your beard for an entire month. They are the same thing, guys. Facial hair is facial hair, I don’t care if it’s on your lip or on your chin, as long as you’re growing it out during November both options should be supported under the “good cause” umbrella.
Instead, Movember hogs all the publicity to raise awareness for prostate cancer — I’m more than 100% for this cause, by the way — and leaves the rest of us growing beards to look like a bunch of buffoons who are up to nothing but trouble.
Sticking it to society
The beard is the ultimate symbol of rebellion. Society dictates we groom ourselves a certain way and behave in a certain manner throughout the year, but November is our oasis away from that appearance-driven culture. The month gives us the opportunity to break bad without completely becoming an outlaw.
Rather than stick out like a bunch of heathens, bros across the country, and moreover across the world, can unite together to form our own grizzly look that won’t be shunned or looked down upon. If this doesn’t motivate you to drop your razor for the month, then I don’t know what will.
God would want you to
If you can grow it, show it. In other words, if you can do it why wouldn’t you?
Men naturally can grow beards; therefore, when we shave, we are essentially slapping God in the face and denying the gift that he has blessed us with. Denying any natural gift will always result in some form of punishment or damnation, so it’s probably best if we play along with The Man Upstairs’ plan and let the facial hair flow. To do otherwise would be straight up blasphemous.
I’ve heard rumblings in recent years from guys who want to buck the No Shave November trend and not conform to the conformity of non-conforming by growing a beard for an entire month. Make any sense? Yea, I didn’t think so.
Listen bros, if there is one thing that No Shave November has done since its inception it’s empowering men around the world to be proud of their brutish features and flaunt them around no matter how unkempt and untamed your facial hair may get. There’s no point in breaking tradition now. The damage — if you even want to call it that — has already been done. We mine as well conform together to show our strength, not cower away from it.
Fashionable, for now
Soon, the trees will start blooming and the temperatures will rise, which means the days of growing out your beard are going extinct before the month even gets underway. Take advantage of the fact that facial hair is accepted as fashionable during these brisk winter months, because that trend won’t last forever. It’s very rare that men receive clearance to do whatever they want, without any negative repercussions, so not capitalizing on this limited freedom is a huge mistake.
Famous Men With Beards vs. Famous Men Without Beards
Famous men who rocked beards: Jesus Christ, Abraham Lincoln, Karl Marx, Clint Eastwood, Jerry Garcia, Chuck Norris
Famous men who were insecure because they couldn’t grow a beard and took it out on others: Benedict Arnold, Joseph Smith, John Wilkes Booth, Adolf Hitler, Lee Harvey Oswald, Paul Reubens (Pee Wee Herman)
Even George Clooney, a notorious clean-faced male, rode his beard to an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor (see: Syriana).
Point proven, moving on…
Protection from cold
We went over this a few paragraphs earlier, but allow me to elaborate. Have you ever seen people wearing those wimpy ski-mask/face-protector masks during the winter? How stupid does the person look covering their whole entire face in broad daylight? Exactly. A nice, thick beard does what those masks do without the cost, the ugliness or the head turning from people gawking in disbelief.
Again, if God has given us the ability to protect ourselves from the cold weather without having to wear some unnecessary accessory to cover our face, then shouldn’t we use this to our advantage? All signs point to yes.
Moms hate it
This is one of my favorite reasons for participating in No Shave November, although I can see why some bros may disagree me based on individual circumstance. With that said, there’s nothing more enjoyable than growing out your beard for the whole month, coming home for Thanksgiving and seeing your mom’s reaction. More than likely, she’ll tell you to trim it or shave it off completely to which you can respond with, finally, “Mom, I’m a grown man. I can do what I want.”
This, my friends, is one of the perks of getting older. There aren’t many, trust me.
Side note: Cougars really dig facial hair. A nice looking beard can easily be parlayed into landing a single, older woman who’s lonely during the holiday season.
Again, one of my favorite reasons for participating in No Shave November, which I understand may not be the universal reason for men jumping aboard the no-shave ship; nonetheless, there’s a personal satisfaction that a man feels from within his own being when he knows he can grow out his beard.
I couldn’t do it until about two years ago and always questioned my manhood, doubting that I would ever be able to do it. When it finally happened, I was the proverbial kid in a candy store. I couldn’t stop boasting about it and telling everybody how excited I was that I finally joined the club — the club of men who can grow facial hair. Granted, I’m sure most men don’t react this when they grow out their first, legitimate beard, but it does create an eternal happiness.
One less thing
If you’re not shaving for an entire month, then it’s one less thing you have to worry about week-to-week, or day-to-day if you’re that grizzly. This means there’s no need to buy shaving cream, after shave lotion or razor blades, and there’s certainly no need to worry about cleaning your sink or any of that tedious stuff that comes with having to shave hair off your face.
It’s always good to have one less thing to worry about.
In the timeless and famous words of Forrest Gump: “Lieutenant Dan got me invested in some kind of fruit company. So then I got a call from him, saying we don't have to worry about money no more. And I said, that's good! One less thing.”
Hang on a second, it doesn’t seem right to be ending with a quote from a beardless Tom Hanks. Something from Cast Away seems more appropriate…
“Look what I’ve created. I have made fire!”