Life
by David Covucci on April 22, 2014

kids-masturbate

They knew? They knew all along? Fuuuuuck.

This question was post to Reddit today: Parents that are aware of their children masturbating, what weird routines do they do to try and hide the fact that they are doing it?

Prepare to realize that everything you did to hide your jerking was ineffective at best.

The smell. Moms were not always moms, they dated and fucked too. Most have had their faces painted at one point or another. For fuck sakes guys, THEY CAN SMELL YOUR CUM. Even if its old juice, they can usually smell the dank/musk of your pole milk.

 

Ive had to start buying Klenex at Costco….and nobody has a cold. And taking baths…long baths. First 12 years of his life it was a struggle to get him in the same room with a bar of soap…now we can’t get him out of the bathroom. And long poops…yet no smell of poop. Strange. Give it up man.

 

As a mother, my son’s pillowcases shatter like glass when I put them in the washing machine.

 

He washes his own socks. Yeah, that’s not suspicious at all.

 

when my mom goes out she tells me the exact time she will be home… im 20

 

Pooping three times in 1 hour is a pretty dead giveaway…

Source: I used to “poop three times in 1 hour”…

 

Randomly decides to go take a “bath”. Brings laptop so he can watch a “tv show”

 

My stepson’s door is closed, and his light on the router is going nuts.

 

Loudly playing Darude – Sandstorm to cover up the furious noises

 

Also eye contact or the lack of it. We know what’s you’ve done we’re cool with it but don’t stair deeply into our eyes like a deer in headlights when you come out of your room.

 

He goes to sleep and then always after 15 mins, he goes to restroom and washes his hands, doesnt pee ( I know this because there is no flushing sound).

 

When phalic like objects go missing for days and get mysteriously put back…after being cleaned…

Yea kiddo, nice job being subtle.

God damn it.

[Masturbation via Shutterstock]

David Covucci

About David Covucci...

David Covucci is writerer-bloggerer for BroBible dot com. He loves Twitter and whiskey. He can be reached at david.covucci@brobible.com.