These Bro of the Week columns are never easy to compile. With the NCAA Tournament kicking off this week made it particularly hard. Like a white rapper born in the burbs hard. So you know it was tough. But I persevered, picked champions, and just wrote the f*ck out of this column. And by that I mean, I completely mailed it in.
5. Nick Watney
The PGA Tour is arguably as competitive as ever. Tiger no longer dominates and all the other players from the "Big 5" of yesteryear are entering the twilight of their careers. Now is the perfect time for a younger player to finally step in. Enter Nick Watney, who in his first five events played this season has carded five top-10 finishes, including a big win at last week's WGC event at Doral. Thanks to this streak he is on, Watney's caddie won't cut his hair. Superstitious? Yes. But with the Masters coming up, you can't cut the good-luck locks.
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4. Thursday's Buzzer Beaters
None stood out as that much better than the rest but there were plenty of them on day one. I nearly ruined all of them for the guys in the office because I didn't realize NCAA.com is working on a full minute delay. Meanwhile ESPN.com is updating real time and I'm screaming out scores like an a**hole. My apologies to AG and JoePa for that, and my congratulations to Juan Fernandez (Temple), Brandon Knight (Kentucky), Matt Howard (Butler), and Demonte Harper (Morehead State). None of your teams will make it very far, but for one day, you're heroes.
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3. Donald Trump
I didn't see it and I couldn't care less that Trump got "roasted." The Roasts are usually horrifically unfunny and that's probably why the Trumpster didn't even want to do it, until he heard that he could make $2 million. Keep reading because I'm not putting him on the list for that. The noble part of this is that he sat there, endured what I heard was terrible comedy, just so he could donate the entire check to charity. Even if he did it for a tax write-off -- almost certainly he did -- it is still a decent move to help out others.
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2. Fat Kid Who Fought Back
I don't know his name but I am glad he put that little prick in his place. I know they are just kids but you can't let people smack you in the face. Fuck taking the high road. Even if you get your ass kicked, standing there and taking it (or walking away) doesn't teach lessons. Concrete power-bombs do.
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1. Japanese Dog
A commenter took the words right out of my mouth when I saw this story -- about a dog who refused to leave his injured friend -- on our site: "Try to find a cat that would do something as loyal as that." You couldn't, because cats are weak, stupid, and not to be trusted. It's exactly why we refer to vag*nas as pussies. So sorry fat kid, this kind of allegiance, in the wake of tragedy, tops your bully stomping. But only by a p*ssy hair.
P.S. I am off next week. I'll be posting here and there but JoePa, once again, will be tackling the Bro of the Week column. So if you have any suggestions as to who we should pick, send them his way.
