Has anyone out there ever blown their load and then instantly felt like shit? And I don't mean in the "Jesus Christ, I hope I didn't impregnate this tractor trailer I just f*cked" sense. But rather in the literal, "I feel like I have the flu and why the f*ck are my eyes burning?" sense. If you have, you aren't alone. You're one unlucky son of a b*tch, that's for sure, but apparently a small minority men encounter this malady. Evidence suggests that it's brought on by their own sperm: demon seed in its purest form.

How is this even possible? Well, Dutch researchers claim that men who come down with flu-like symptoms right after org*sm may in fact be allergic to their own spunk. It's called Post Orgasm Illness Syndrome (POIS) and can actually last up to a week. How about that? One measly load, and you're down for the count. Better hope its a double-digit roper for that lofty price.

The researchers determined this was an allergy only after injecting 33 men who experienced the symptoms with diluted semen to see if they had a reaction. You read that right, they watered down c*m and stuck it into these guys. Some 88%, or 29 of the 33, experienced an allergic reaction… and intense humiliation (I assume being basted with your own
c*m induces that).

Apparently scientists have known about this illness for almost 10 years, but patients and even doctors are mostly unfamiliar with it because they claim most men are too embarrassed by it to tell their doctor. The Dutch had me fooled right up until that point. You mean to tell me that men are willing to go get warts burnt off their cock but the post-c*m sniffles are an embarrassment? Come. The. Fuck. On.

True or false, the good news out of the land of the Dutch is that there might be a treatment for POIS, known as hyposensitisation. You could probably guess what it is. If you said "a lifetime's worth of semen injections" you'd be correct.