Life
by Lance Pauker on March 5, 2013

What happened when a bunch of dudes decided to take an unlicensed Brocation of a lifetime? They got too drunk to actually operate a mult-million dollar yacht, of course:

Shortly past midnight on Monday morning, three suspects between the ages of 54 and 63 stole a luxury sailboat from the Sausalito marina, loaded it with beer and pizza, and set sail (presumably aiming to cross the U.S.-Mexico maritime boundary?). Unfortunately for the trio, their journey lasted only until they ran aground in shallow waters off of Pacifica and spent several pre-dawn hours being tossed to and fro in the rough surf off Linda Mar Beach.

In what sounds like a dramatic rescue straight from a Kevin Costner/Ashton Kutcher collaboration, a Coast Guard swimmer was lowered from a helicopter to deliver a radio to the sea-sick thieves while Pacifica police gathered on the beach with guns drawn. All three amateur pirates, including one whose real-life prosthetic leg gave him a telltale limp, arrived on the beach looking visibly seasick (read: wasted) and were booked on suspicion of conspiracy and grand theft.

 

Are these guys heroes for committing a pretty hefty crime all in the name of having a dope time? Eh, but you can't NOT to appreciate the “epic” nature of this whole operation. It takes a special #groupofdudes to actually go through with something like this. So whatever their comes of their crimes, at least they could say they accomplished the baby-boomer equivalent of hashtaggable acronym living. 

The real question on everyone's minds now may be which pizza/beer combo did the thieves choose to fuel their heist? According to early reports, the beer was a “pale ale”, but there's no word yet on what kind of pizza was onboard. One thing's for sure, though: according to Jeff Wadkins, a lifeguard and park ranger who boarded the vessel. “There looks like there was quite a bit of alcohol drinking onboard.”

 

Assumedly, it went down like this:

[H/T: SFist]